


A Proper Painting

by seerstella



Category: Japanese Actor RPF, Takumi-kun Series
Genre: AU, BL, Loosely based on a movie, M/M, Real Person Slash - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 22,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6998944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seerstella/pseuds/seerstella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When an apathetic meets an eccentric, life begins.<br/>DaiMao, total AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Please Sit Down

**Author's Note:**

> Title: A Proper Painting  
> Authoress: Seer M. Anno  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. I have no knowledge of the real people used here. No offense intended. Thank you.  
> Rating: R  
> Pairing: Daisuke Watanabe/Kyousuke Hamao and some other pairings  
> Genre: AU. Angst.  
> Warnings: Slash, language, inaccuracy, possible OOCness, suicidal tendencies  
> A/N: It's been a while since I last wrote an RPF, or wrote anything in general. This is pure AU, and guess what movie this is based on ;) Hope you enjoy!

_Is it even legal to hate someone at the first sight? Because that is exactly what I am doing._

"Please sit down."

The man's voice was gentle, but the young man could catch the order in it. He wanted to snort and walked out, but he knew that was a foolish move. Sooner or later, his family would just pushed (literally speaking) him here again.

So he sat down. The black leather chair was supposed to be comfortable, but it felt more like a suffocation.

"Hello, Kyousuke-kun. How are you today?"

"Fine."

"That's good to hear. What are you planning to do today?"

It was an easy question, yet Kyousuke didn't feel like answering, because that was why he was here at the first place. He wondered if Aniki was struggling to find the key to his self-made laboratory right now.

Little did he knew, said key was settled nicely in his pocket.

"Nothing."

"Would you like to tell me about your hobby? Something that gives you an intense satisfaction?"

Kyousuke eyed the man wearily. Why should he, anyway? So he only shook his head.

And before he knew it, the first session with that psychiatrist was over.

 

* * *

 

Kyousuke Hamao.

A young man in his twenties, fit enough for the army. His body might be small for men his age, but he had a nice amount of 'inner strength'. He had the perfect shape for a soldier.

That was what his mother always said about him.

His mother always said that he was also a bright kid, just like his brother. He'd do really good if he went to the university. Problem was, he didn't want to be in the army or the university. Or anywhere in general.

That was also the reason why he was with that psychiatrist earlier, a while after having his stomach pumped in the hospital.


	2. Three Bouquets and a Bicycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke meets someone.

"Thank you so much, Hamao-kun."

"You're welcome."

The young man picked the three bouquets he'd just purchased, and put it into the basket of his bike. With a nod, he left the florist.

He felt the fresh, warm air as he rode his bike into his usual destination.

 _I have a hobby_ , he said to himself, rather smugly. He parked his bike below the usual tree and picked the bouquets.

The graveyard was as silent as ever. He made his way between the tombstones and stopped in front of one. He put down one of the bouquets he bought. It made him smile.

Finding two more empty graves, he put the rest of the bouquets.

"Psst!"

Kyousuke looked up from the third tombstone, looking for the source of voice and found none. He was sure he was alone, but apparently he was mistaken.

"Psst!"

Annoyed, the young man scanned his surroundings once again.

There he was.

Illuminated by the setting sun, he saw a man, dressed in black and with a huge smile. He wondered what that creep was doing there; it was unusual to see other people in the graveyard at this time.

Then he saw a bouquet in his hand.

Oh. A visitor.

The man made his way towards him and put the bouquet on the grave next to where Kyousuke was sitting.

"Do you know her?"

Kyousuke glanced at the grave before him, and at his bouquet. He shook his head as he wondered if the man would insult him or something.

The man's answer was something that had never crossed Kyousuke's mind.

"I don't know this guy either."

Kyousuke gaped as he stared at the man who was pointing at the grave on which he'd just put his own bouquet. It was strange to find someone else with the same... interest.

"So... why?"

The man laughed. It sounded pretty nice. "I can ask you the same question, you know."

Kyousuke couldn't answer that, but he knew the man had a point. So he kept his mouth shut.

"My name is Daisuke, by the way."

Kyousuke didn't feel like telling his name, so he only shrugged. The man didn't seem to hurt at this, even though he knew he had the right to be.

"So, since you're so immersed with her grave, I'll just leave you be. See you later."

Kyousuke only nodded at him and stayed for several minutes longer. He was walking back to the tree where he parked his bike when he realized something.

His bike was missing.

Kyousuke cursed under his breath.

 

* * *

 

Kyousuke adored his laboratory. It was the only place where he could feel safe. Well, other than the graveyard, of course.

"You should've been arrested for making such... weird things."

That was what his brother used to say, and deep inside Kyousuke knew he had a point. He knew Aniki was slowly giving up, particularly because Kyousuke survived all the time, but he knew Aniki still cared.

"Thank you for not reporting me, then." That was his immediate answer. He just couldn't stop it; it gave him an 'intense satisfaction', according to that psychiatrist.

He eyed the vials and Bunsen burner in front of him. He wondered what he could come up with this time. Or maybe he could make one similar to the one that had almost killed him this morning. Then he could give it to that creep who had stolen his bike.

Well. That was a nice idea.


	3. Hello, Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke meets his bike's thief again. And they have tea.

"Hello, stranger! When I said 'see you later', it's more than true, huh?"

"You took my bike."

"Right, right," Daisuke replied with a laugh. He looked down at the bike he was riding. "This one, right?"

Kyousuke glared at him. "I want that back."

"Why?" Daisuke looked confused, and Kyousuke rolled his eyes.

"Because it's mine."

"No, no," Daisuke chided. "I mean, why are you so attached to it? Is it that wonderful to be tied with things?"

Kyousuke shrugged. He liked that bike, but the man's words baffled him. He didn't know what he meant, so he kept his silence.

"You're visiting again?"

Kyousuke blinked at the question. He realized that Daisuke was staring at the bouquet he had in his hands. He nodded.

"Which one this time?"

"All is fine."

"Well, let me go with you, then. I forgot my own bouquet so we can share."

Without saying anything, Daisuke parked the bike and walked into the graveyard. Kyousuke knew he could just take his bike and go home, but he found himself tailing the cheerful man.

"You choose, stranger," he said after a while of walking.

Kyousuke looked around. His eyes settled on a tombstone and made his way towards it. This time it was Daisuke's turn to follow him. He put the bouquet and looked at the older man. "Now, can I have my bike back?"

Daisuke smiled cheekily. "Why not?" he asked. "But since I returned it without a scratch, I think you can take me home."

Kyousuke gaped at his request and weird reason. It was so unrelated it made all his logic fly out the window.

Daisuke suddenly laughed. "Don't be too shocked. Come with me." He suddenly grasped Kyousuke's hand and led him towards the parked bike. He jumped to the rider seat. "Come on, stranger. I'll return it when we get to my house."

 _I have a name_. That was Kyousuke's only thought as he sat behind the man.

 

* * *

 

"Okay. We're here. Now, if you please..."

"Would you like to come in?"

Kyousuke wouldn't call that house a _house_. It was more like a hut. Plants and flowers decorated the porch, in which only a rocking chair and a small, round table was there. That... hut looked like a house of a hippie Kyousuke once saw in a book.

"No," he answered, just because.

Daisuke turned at him and tilted his head. "No, no, no, you can't just leave like that. Please, come inside. You'll love this place, I can see it in your eyes."

Kyousuke scoffed, but followed him in. He wouldn't call it a living room, more like an... artistic storage room. Too much stuff were inside. A dozen paintings were hanged all over the walls, there were several statues, an eagle miniature, an obviously old piano, a sofa, a small dining table next to the window, two cupboards, and another door which Kyousuke thought led to the bedroom. Oh, one more thing: almost every corner had a plant put on it. Overall, it was crowded, a stark contrast of Kyousuke's own organized house. He found himself walking towards one of the paintings, his curiosity got better of him.

"Do you paint?"

Daisuke was boiling the water for them, but he could hear the question, since the kitchen and the living room weren't separated by doors. "Occasionally. I like doing it."

"What is it?"

"Hm?" Daisuke walked towards the painting Kyousuke was staring at. It was an oil painting of a young man holding a sunflower. His eyes were full with tears, yet he was smiling. It was... captivating.

"Self-portrait," Daisuke broke the silence. He looked like he wanted to say more, but the sound of water boiling cut in. "Oh, the water's ready. Come here, stranger."

Kyousuke stood next to the table. "I have a name, you know."

"Hm?" Daisuke looked up from the tea he was making. His dark brown eyes stared right through Kyousuke, unnerved him even though he could see pure kindness in them. "Please sit down first. You won't like a cup of cold tea, I assure you."

Kyousuke obliged and sat across from him. After accepting the cup, he repeated his words. "I have a name, you know."

Daisuke tilted his head, obviously waiting.

"I'm Kyousuke Hamao."

The older man nodded. "Do you have a nickname?"

 _Kyou-chan_ and _Hamao-kun_ ran to Kyousuke's mind, and that was the names he told his new companion. A smile was his reply.

"Hello there, Mao."

Kyousuke blinked, taken aback by the new nickname. But it sounded nice, as bizarre as it was. So he nodded his approval.

The smile on Daisuke's face widened.

 

* * *

 

"Where have you been?"

Kyousuke looked at his brother, a small smile still plastered on his face. "Visiting a friend," he said as he made his way to the bathroom.

"Friend? Who?"

Kyousuke didn't really feel like telling, but he knew he had worried his brother more than he was supposed to. "His name's Daisuke. He's a painter." _Or something_.

"I see." His brother smiled. "You look happy, that's why I'm asking."

Kyousuke shrugged and walked into his room. He couldn't say that he was happy, though. More like intrigued and curious. He sat on his bed and pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. After opening the folds, his own eyes met his, filled by vivid colours from the watercolour.

Daisuke was indeed a good painter.


	4. Our Infamous Sculptor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke meets someone else. Someone loud.  
> And who'll be able to resist the temptation of rolling down the hill?

_Is out. Will be back later._

_-D_

 

That was what greeted Kyousuke when he went over to that hut of a house. He frowned and decided to wait on the porch in case the older man returned soon.

He himself couldn't stop wondering why he was there at the first place. He was intending to buy another bouquet and stop by the graveyard, but he found himself stopping by at this hut. That guy was right. Kyousuke found himself drawn to this place. He sat on the rocking chair and let his body relax.

"Whoa!"

That voice broke Kyousuke's quiet haven. He opened his eyes and saw a man he wasn't familiar with. That man was tall, probably a bit more than Daisuke, and he had messy short brown hair. More things that Kyousuke noticed was the high cheekbones and sharp eyes that man had. That man could look menacing if he wanted to.

But he was obviously didn't want to, because he was grinning right now. It was unsettling.

"Whoa!" he shouted again. "Waiting for Dai-chan, are you?"

More thing that Kyousuke noticed was the loudness of his voice. This man surely had wide lungs. He nodded, and that man laughed loudly, the voice filled the emptiness around them. Yep. Wide lungs indeed.

"Sorry, sorry! Do you mind if I borrow him for a while? I won't be long, I promise!"

Kyousuke frowned, unable to understand what that man meant. Apparently he knew so too, because in a flash Kyousuke felt his hand being grabbed and his body being pulled. "Wait! Where are we going?!"

The man stopped in his enthusiastic half-running, and eyed Kyousuke weirdly. "Do you want to see Dai-chan or not?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Oh! I know why you didn't want to go with me!" The man bowed deeply. "My name is Ryouma. I'm Dai-chan's friend, just like you. He's with me right now, and I think he'd like another person around."

Kyousuke introduced himself in return, but he was still confused. "Will it be okay for him?" He wondered why he asked something like that, but the thought of bothering his new friend didn't feel really good on his mind.

Ryouma snorted. "Don't worry. He always loves attention. Come on."

They continued to walk, but this time Kyousuke followed willingly. After several minutes, they stopped in front of a house. It was bigger than Daisuke's, but the porch was also filled by plants. Kyousuke wondered if there were paintings on its inner walls as well.

Ryouma stopped. "Say, do you like modelling?"

Kyousuke only eyed him in confusion.

"Not that kind of modelling, don't worry. But I love to have new models to do... wait, that sounds wrong."

Kyousuke knew he should've run away from this creep, but his curiosity got better hold on him. "What do you mean?"

"Dai-chan didn't tell you about me?!" A scandalized look crossed Ryouma's face when Kyousuke shook his head. "Seriously, that guy... You know, that's what Dai-chan is doing right now."

"Modelling?"

Ryouma nodded and opened the door. He led Kyousuke into the house and into a room. It was a studio, and a quite big one. The corners were surrounded by statues, big and small alike. At the centre of it, there was an unfinished one, around a halfway done. It was a statue of a man, posing with something resembling an eagle on his arm. It took Kyousuke a while to recognise who that man could be, since the face was still a rough trace.

"Hey, Ryouma, do you bring it?"

Daisuke stepped from behind the unfinished statue, almost as naked as the day he was born, save for the pair of boxers he was wearing. Kyousuke felt his face burning in an instant.

"Hello, Mao." He looked either happy and surprised to see his new friend there. They kept staring at each other awkwardly until Ryouma cleared his throat.

"Seriously, Dai-chan, how dare you!"

Daisuke picked a robe from the nearby chair and wore it before walking towards them. With his body covered, Kyousuke could feel his own embarrassment subside.

"What is it right now?" Daisuke asked, smiling patiently. "I didn't tell him about Shouta-kun, just so you know."

Ryouma rolled his eyes. "You better not. But that's not what I want to say!" He pointed at Kyousuke. "You didn't tell him about me! That was embarrassing!"

Daisuke burst into laughter and he finally looked at Kyousuke. "Mao, meet Ryouma Baba, our infamous sculptor. Don't worry, he's not some pervert."

Understanding dawned on the young man as he bowed at the tall man. "So that's why you asked me to be your model?"

Ryouma nodded enthusiastically. "It's kinda boring to have the same body to sculpt. Plus, that guy is getting older. Wrinkles won't look good on anything."

"Shut up, you." A mischievous glint crossed Daisuke's eyes. "I still have that sketch, you know. If only you didn't underestimate Taiki-kun's power of chocolate..."

"Say that thing to me again and I'll make sure you'll be my next project. Literally."

"Me in a wax statue will be immortal. And hot. Literally hot." Daisuke was still laughing. "Anyway, do you bring that eagle?"

Colour drained from Ryouma's face. "Damn it! Thanks to this little guy," he exclaimed, pointing at Kyousuke with his thumb. "I really forgot! I'll be back." With that, he rushed towards the door and was gone in a matter of seconds. Daisuke took a chair and sat down, gesturing at Kyousuke to do the same.

"He better locks the door when he returns..." He looked at Kyousuke. "So, you've met my loudest friend ever."

Kyousuke sighed. "He's even louder than you."

"Hey! I'm not loud!" Daisuke protested jokingly. "I'm just... spontaneous sometimes."

"Yeah, right." It brought a small smile on Kyousuke's face, and Daisuke smiled back.

"Anyway, what brings you here? I mean, why did you come to my house?"

Kyousuke shrugged. He also didn't know why.

"After I'm done, we can go back to my house. If you want to, that is. I don't want to keep you past curfew."

"I'm twenty-one already," Kyousuke rebutted. He stared at how Daisuke's face wrinkled when he laughed. "Baba-san's right. You're getting older."

Daisuke hit his shoulder playfully. "Not you too."

Kyousuke laughed for the first time in years.

 

* * *

 

"Modelling for that guy is like trapping yourself in a cave with a banshee."

Kyousuke wanted to answer, but his mouth was still full of bread Daisuke had given him. Instead of eating in Daisuke's house as expected, they were having a picnic on a small hill. Kyousuke could see the entire town from his seat.

He swallowed and asked, "Then why did you do it?"

"Because he's a friend, and friends help each other." Daisuke took a bite of his own bread. "That makes me wonder, do you go to school?"

The question made Kyousuke thought of his family. He loved them, but they were just too pushy. "I'm a high school graduate, and I think that'll suffice."

Daisuke eyed him curiously. "That sounds very confident of you."

"Why are you asking?" Patience started to leave Kyousuke's being.

"I'm just wondering if you have friends your age."

Kyousuke didn't want to answer that, because he didn't like the reality behind it. He only stared at Daisuke, who finally shrugged and continued to eat his bread. Kyousuke looked away and did the same.

"You know," the older man started after a while of silence. "I can't remember much about myself when I was your age."

Kyousuke turned to look at him, but this time Daisuke wasn't looking at him. He was staring at the scenery before him; the grassy hill without anymore plant save for the tree they were sitting under. Kyousuke had never gone to this place; it was thanks to Daisuke's persistence that he was here.

"You don't look that old," Kyousuke commented. _You speak like a grandpa_.

Daisuke shrugged. "I'm older than you think. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to do childish things."

It quirked Kyousuke's interest. "Like what?"

"I dunno, maybe rolling down the hill?"

"Isn't that dangerous?" Somehow it sounded intriguing, but the thought of him losing his composure in front of this man made Kyousuke blush.

"Of course not. I've done it before." Kyousuke felt the older man's eyes saw right through him. "Maybe you want to try?"

"That sounds stupid, too." Kyousuke didn't intend to go down without a fight.

Daisuke shoved his shoulder playfully. "Listen to me, Mao. Everyone has the right to look, sound, and be stupid sometimes. Come on."

With that, he pulled the young man to his feet. "Go on."

Kyousuke finally obliged, doing a forward roll on the grass. It was something he liked to do when he was a kid, and it brought back his childhood excitement.

"See? It's fun."

Embarrassment and ego casted aside, Kyousuke kept rolling on the grass while Daisuke walked next to him, smiling gently.

"Why don't you do it too?" Kyousuke asked as he tried to catch his breath.

Daisuke was still smiling that gentle smile. "I'm good."

"Nonsense!" Mischief got into Kyousuke's mind as he pulled his companion's hand and got him onto the grass. In a matter of seconds, they were on the bottom of the hill, hair messy and breath practically lost.

"You're right. That was fun!" Kyousuke panted, picking the grass from his hair. Daisuke didn't look much better as he wiped the grass from his face. Kyousuke had to refrain himself from staring.

"Your hair look like soil," Daisuke suddenly commented, his hand reaching for Kyousuke's head. It felt like a strange comfort when he picked up blades of grass from the young man's brown hair.

"If you have that much fun," Daisuke said after a while. "Let's do it again, then."


	5. Please Sit Down, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A strong urge to visit a certain laboratory, and a sunflower.

"Please sit down, Kyousuke-kun."

Kyousuke obliged, in order to get this over with. The psychiatrist eyed him curiously, masked with gentleness. The sofa Kyousuke was sitting on felt the same as it was on his first session, and he didn't feel any comfort. If anything, it only increased his dislike at his condition in general.

"How are you today?"

A shrug was Kyousuke's reply.

"You look happier than the last time we met, though."

That was also what his family said, and Kyousuke had to hold himself from snorting. He wondered if Aniki had told this man about the occasional smiles he had slipped out in their family dinner. He shrugged again, avoiding the psychiatrist's gaze.

"Do you want to tell me what makes you happy?"

Stories about Daisuke and rolling down the hill were on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't want to say. After a long silence, the psychiatrist spoke.

"Kyousuke-kun, did you meet someone?"

Kyousuke knew he wouldn't be able to leave—unless he threw a tantrum, but he was an adult right now—if he didn't say anything, so he opened his mouth. "I met a friend."

Flashes of him rolling down the hill with Daisuke filled his mind, making him blush and keep his silence.

 

* * *

 

After the session was over, Kyousuke found himself in his family's car, going home. He stared out the window, to the empty streets of the town he was living in.

"Kyou-chan," his mother said from the front seat. "We have a surprise for you."

It was indeed a surprise for the young man, although not one he liked. After the car had stopped, he practically jumped out and ran towards the motorcycle parked on the place Kyousuke always put his bike.

"What's the meaning of this?"

"You really should get rid of that old bike of yours, Kyou-chan," his mother said in a supposedly understanding tone. She gave the keys to her son. "You need something good when you go to college."

Kyousuke only stared at it in silence, and when his mother had walked into the house, he kicked it with all his might.

As he watched the flashy vehicle fell, he searched his pocket and pulled out a familiar key.

The urge of visiting his laboratory was extremely strong this time.

 

* * *

 

Kyousuke was dreaming. He dreamed of a land full of sunflowers. Their height almost beat him, but Kyousuke was considered small for men his age. He looked around, wondering why he was there.

"Mao."

The name made him look around. He spotted Daisuke, wearing black as usual, with a white scarf around his neck. He was smiling.

"Come here, Mao."

Kyousuke obliged and went towards the older man. They walked side by side in the narrow path between sunflowers.

"Look at these flowers," Daisuke suddenly commented. "So beautiful, right?"

Kyousuke nodded. He was no plant lover, but he indeed liked sunflowers. "Why are we here?"

"Why, to see its beauty, of course!" Daisuke grinned at him. "I really want to be a sunflower."

"Why?"

"Because it follows the sunlight. It lives and it's warm." He turned to the young man. "What plant do you want to be, Mao?"

Kyousuke opened his mouth and woke up. The white, familiar ceiling was staring back at him, while the dripping sound from his IV filled his hearing. Ah, right. Another not-so-accidental self-poisoning.

When he looked at the bedside table, he saw a small bouquet of sunflowers.

He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one will be longer, promise!  
> This story is actually complete, and will be updated regularly.


	6. Meet the Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke meets Daisuke's friends.  
> A certain sculptor has a... harem?

"Ryouma wants me to tell you this," Daisuke opened their conversation, looking away from the tombstone to look at Kyousuke. It was a week after Kyousuke's discharge. "He was successful in his project, so he wants to treat us to dinner."

"Us?" Kyousuke wondered why he was also invited; that sculptor only met him once, after all.

"Yep. He said he also wanted to know if you've considered modelling for him or not."

"Oh." To be honest, Kyousuke hadn't thought about it.

"I know you haven't thought about it," Daisuke said, smirking. At Kyousuke's puzzled expression, his smirk widened. "That was exactly my expression when he asked me the same thing."

"Oh."

"You surely are in an 'oh' mode today, Mao. What, cat got your tongue?"

Kyousuke rolled his eyes and stood. "When is it?"

Daisuke looked up at him before he also rose to his feet. "This Saturday. I bet he'll bring over some friends." He nudged Kyousuke and walked out the empty graveyard, the younger man not far behind. "You'll like them."

"Are they as noisy as the two of you?"

Daisuke laughed out loud. "I'm noisy, aren't I? But well, not really. Ryouma takes all the noise Shouta-kun and Taiki-kun can make. Takki and Yuusuke-kun are really quiet, so don't worry about them. And they're several years younger than me, so I think you can get along just fine."

Kyousuke doubted that with all his being.

 

* * *

 

"Here, here, Mao-kun, it's for you." 

Kyousuke took the small wax statue from the sculptor's hand. It was small, only the size of his index finger. But Kyousuke could see the detailed carving of his own face on the white material. It was beautiful.

"Nice, huh?"

"Thank you, Baba-san."

"If you can't stop with that honorific, I'll take that back." Ryouma huffed.

"Sorry, Baba-san," Kyousuke said, just to tease him.

Ryouma playfully snatched the statue from Kyousuke's hand and they both laughed. They were both in the only diner in town, which was pretty empty at this moment. Daisuke was in the loo, leaving his friends with each other. "I'm sure Dai-chan has told you this time? About modelling for me?" After Kyousuke nodded, he continued. "Finally, that guy. So, what's your answer?"

"I'll give it a try."

"Great! You can come to my house next Wednesday. There's an exhibition coming up, and I'd love to take a head start."

"Alright."

"And don't worry. You can keep your clothes on."

Kyousuke flustered. It was actually the main reason why he hadn't been able to think about posing for this guy. Before him, Ryouma burst into laughter.

"Dai-chan told me about that. I dunno how he knows, to be honest. He's always that perceptive," he said. "He sure likes you, Mao-kun, to be concerned 'till that extent. It's also thanks to his sketch that I could carve that wax statue of yours."

Kyousuke blushed even worse, and he looked down at the statue to distract himself.

"You sure took your time."

Kyousuke looked up at Ryouma's remark. Daisuke had come back from the loo and took a seat next to the youngest of the three. He shrugged.

"Called Takki first."

Kyousuke wasn't familiar with the name, but judging from Ryouma's suddenly brightened expression, this Takki must've been a close friend.

"Will he come?"

Daisuke shook his head. "Night patrol today, sadly. It's been a while since he came." He paused. "I think he'll like to see Mao here."

At the mention of his name, Kyousuke knew it was his cue. "Who's this Takki?"

"You'll meet him, someday," Daisuke replied, and Ryouma added, "One hell of a fellow, he is."

"So we're not waiting for him today."

"Who are we waiting for?" Kyousuke asked, noticing how Ryouma's eyes always darted to the door.

"His harem, of course," Daisuke answered for him, earning a playful punch on the shoulder from across the table. "I kinda hope Yuusuke-kun comes too, and you two can eat Taiki-kun's precious chocolate."

Ryouma rolled his eyes. "Don't start." 

Kyousuke couldn't hold his curiosity anymore. "Who's Yuusuke-san?"

Daisuke and Ryouma eyed each other, the former obviously trying not to laugh. "He's... Ryouma's friend, Mao."

"Friend, huh? I'll tell him that!"

A new voice cut in, and the three of them looked up. Two young men, probably a bit older than Kyousuke, were standing before their table. Both of them were smiling, especially one who spoke earlier.

"Finally!" Daisuke clapped his hands. "Sit down."

One of them, the one who has plump cheeks and paler face sat next to Daisuke, while the other filled the empty seat beside Ryouma. Daisuke turned to Kyousuke and introduced the newcomers.

"Mao, meet Ryouma's harem," he said, ignoring the joking glare thrown at him. "This is Taiki-kun, and the one next to Ryouma is Shouta-kun. There used to be another harem member of his, but Bishin-kun is currently in the Navy. Hey, ukes, this is Kyousuke Hamao."

" _Your_ uke, Dai-chan?" Shouta blurted, and Ryouma elbowed him so sharply he almost screamed. Kyousuke blushed so hard he was sure his cheeks were melting. He glanced at Daisuke and saw him fluster as well.

It felt nice.

"Shush, shush," Taiki neutralized. He extended his hand over Daisuke to shake Kyousuke's. "Taiki Naito, old friend of these nutjobs."

The three other men burst into laughter, and Kyousuke couldn't help but to join in. Shouta-kun's full name was actually Shouta Takasaki and he worked in the only music store in town. Kyousuke had never gone there, but his brother was a frequent visitor. Meanwhile, Taiki was a nurse in the hospital. Kyousuke wondered if they'd crossed paths before.

"So, Mao-kun," Taiki started, pulling out something from his pocket. "Want some chocolate?"

Ryouma laughed so loudly he was asked to be quiet by the neighbouring table. Kyousuke, who loved sweets, nodded enthusiastically, but Daisuke grabbed it first.

"Not this time, Taiki-kun."

Taiki grinned and put the chocolate back to his pocket. "Sorry, Mao-kun, next time I guess."

Kyousuke wanted to ask, but then the waitress came and asked what they wanted to eat, turning all of them into a more serious mode. After she was gone, though, they resumed.

"Why won't you make me a chocolate statue?" Taiki asked teasingly, eyeing the wax statue in front of Kyousuke. "I'd keep it forever."

"I'm not sure if you'll keep it or inject it with poison," Ryouma replied lightly, smirking. "Your meddling is enough already."

Taiki grinned and left it at that. He turned to his friend. "By the way, Shouta-kun, do you have something to say?"

"More like what Yuu will say," Shouta said, shrugging. "He can't come today, but he wants to tell us that he—Dai-chan, is it okay for me to say this?"

For the first time, Kyousuke saw Daisuke's lips thinning, playfulness completely disappeared. He blinked in confusion.

"It's been years," Daisuke finally said. "I'm no longer sore, I guess."

The last sentence actually held a double meaning, but not even Ryouma joked about it.

"He gets the major role in the upcoming play." Shouta looked a bit apprehensive when he finished telling the news, but Daisuke was smiling.

It was a forced one.

"Good for him. Congratulations."

Relief crossed Shouta's expression, and he looked even more relieved when the waitress came with their food. A while later, they had had their drinks filled to the fullest.

"To our future!" Ryouma exclaimed, lifting his glass.

Kyousuke wanted so much not to participate in that implicit wish, but when he looked at Daisuke, smiling and lifting his glass... he found himself doing the same.

"Cheers!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shouta Takasaki and Yuusuke Arai actually are actors from the film Fujimi Orchestra: Cold Front Conductor. Ryouma Baba was there too. The three of them are from Tenimyu's Seigaku 5th Generation.


	7. The Scary War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twenties.  
> Kyousuke insists. Daisuke reminisces.

"You're awfully quiet today."

"I can say the same thing."

"What is it, Mao?" Daisuke asked from the rider seat of the bike. Kyousuke stared at his back for a while before answering. It had been two days since Ryouma's small party, but Kyousuke just couldn't get rid of Daisuke's forced smile out his head.

Daisuke stopped in their usual parking spot of the graveyard. "What happened to your bike?" he asked as he hopped down the vehicle after Kyousuke. "This bike is okay, but I prefer your old one."

Kyousuke shared the sentiment, but he didn't want to tell the older man about his family. Daisuke was supposed to be a distraction of all that.

Sensing no answer would be obtained, Daisuke shrugged and picked up the bouquets from the basket. He shared half of them to the young man and made his way into the graveyard. As usual, nobody else was there. They put the bouquets on random, empty tombstones, and fifteen minutes later they found themselves back to the bicycle. Daisuke grinned.

"Let's go to the square."

And there they went, to the most crowded place in this small town. Kyousuke didn't say anything when they went past the therapist's clinic, nor did he open his mouth when he saw his brother walking out the fire department where he worked. He wondered if Aniki saw him. They also stopped by in the music store to say hi to Shouta. He was staring at a violin when Daisuke shouted his name, snapping him out his thoughts. But before he could respond, Daisuke had rode the bike as fast as he could, leaving the half-angry-half-shocked younger man behind.

"It's always fun, surprising him," Daisuke commented, no longer pedalling since they were practically rolling down the street. Kyousuke laughed as cold wind slapped his face. It was exhilarating.

He felt _alive_.

 

* * *

 

The square wasn't as crowded as usual, most probably because today was Monday. Even in such a small town, people were more than busy on Mondays. Daisuke bought them some snacks and they spent the evening at the most secluded area of the place. He teased Kyousuke, telling him not to drink because he didn't want to do a 'drunk driving' and that Kyousuke was still a boy.

Kyousuke snorted at that remark. "How much do I have to tell you, I'm twenty-one already."

"Perfect age for anything, huh?"

Kyousuke shrugged. "What do you have in mind?"

"Oh, I don't know. When I was in my twenties, war is the only thing I had in mind."

Daisuke's words brought back memories. Kyousuke vaguely remembered Aniki in his uniform, clothed in his family's prayers of his return. Books called it The Second World War, but little Kyousuke preferred to call it Scary War. Six year old he might be, he had been able to understand the fear his family had felt.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I was fifteen when it broke." Daisuke closed his eyes. "Things were chaos, and the army was the only certainty."

"You were fifteen when you joined?" It felt surreal for the young man to think this eccentric, happy-go-lucky man as a soldier, his hands holding a killing weapon. It upset him, somehow.

A nod. "Tweaked my age a bit. Believe me, I looked old when I was young. The army took me in, and that was what in my mind when I was around your age."

Kyousuke shuddered involuntarily. The mention of the war reminded him of his family's wish on him, and it was suffocating.

"Oi, Mao, you okay?" Suddenly Daisuke's hand was on his shoulder. Kyousuke wanted so badly to push it away, like he usually did when he was agitated, but he found himself unable to. It felt like it belonged there. 

"Why don't you stay, though?"

Daisuke's expression changed and he didn't answer. Instead, he looked away, to the field before them. His hand was still resting on Kyousuke's shoulder, though, as if comforting in his own way. Kyousuke took the offered comfort as he unconsciously leaned closer to the older man, and neither minded.

Daisuke was warm, after all.


	8. Eagle Statue (Ryouma's Backstory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryouma vocalizes Kyousuke's feelings, and tells his own story.

"You're lucky that I'm home, and that the marble I ordered came earlier." Ryouma grinned as he let Kyousuke into his studio. "But I won't start today, will that be okay with you?"

Kyousuke knew he was coming a day earlier than their promised day, so he only nodded. "Can I take a look at the statue you were working on when we first met?"

"The eagle and Dai-chan?"

"Yeah."

Ryouma sighed. "It was sold, sorry."

It angered the young man. "What did you say?"

"I made it for sale, you know," Ryouma explained, probably unaware of Kyousuke's anger. "Why did you ask?"

He didn't know why either. But the thought of a replica of shirtless Daisuke in a rich family's living room, with that glorious eagle on his feet, upset Kyousuke. He trotted his way out the studio, only stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Oi, Mao-kun. What's with you?"

"If only you told me it's for sale!" Kyousuke blurted out. He was furious, but of what he didn't know. "I'd have bought it!"

Ryouma's eyes widened. He gripped Kyousuke's other shoulder and didn't let go until the young man could control his breath.

"Please sit down. You're shaking."

Really? Kyousuke didn't know that. But he let himself being ushered to the nearest chair. He absently remembered that chair as the one he'd sat on when he first came here. But instead of the sculptor, Daisuke had been the one who sat before him.

"Now, now, Mao-kun, tell me what's bothering you." Ryouma stared at him, his eyes surprisingly gentle. "That statue was actually someone's request, you know. She's one old lady from Tokyo who's obsessed with eagles."

Anger subsided, Kyousuke only felt shame inside him right now. He stared at the floor. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have exploded like that."

"It's okay," Ryouma soothed. "But why, Mao-kun?"

Kyousuke was silent, his mind spinning. Ryouma interpreted it by himself.

"You like Dai-chan, right? That's why you're possessive?"

Kyousuke looked up so abruptly his neck protested. He felt his face burning, and he reddened even worse when he saw Ryouma's grin.

"I take it he doesn't know?"

Kyousuke shrugged, trying to look nonchalant, but the blush remained. Ryouma shook his head in the mixture of amusement and exasperation.

"Look, I'm not that matchmaker Taiki, so don't expect some good advice from me. But that guy's been single since the world was created, so go for it."

"I'm not sure he likes me that way."

"I'm not sure either, but I'm not the best example of a love advisor. But let me tell you this, when Taiki has offered you his chocolate, that means you're meant to be."

"How does a chocolate determine my feelings?"

Ryouma shrugged. "That's Taiki for you. He has those addictive chocolate candies that will make you high and kiss the person you have feelings for. It makes us honest to ourselves."

"Sounds like he drugged it." Kyousuke was grateful that Daisuke didn't let him eat that chocolate. He couldn't help but to wonder if he dared to kiss the older man in the restaurant.

Wait. Does that mean—

"But those sweets were also the reason our relationship crumbled."

The thought of Daisuke guarding his own feelings in the restaurant was cut off when Kyousuke heard Ryouma spoke. "Excuse me?"

Ryouma waved his hand, shushing him. "No need to be formal with me, Mao-kun. Anyway, yeah, it destroyed our relationship, too. We didn't work out, me and Taiki, so he gave me that chocolate when we were meeting up. All of us: me, Dai-chan, Shouta, him, Yuu. Hell, even Takki was there." His eyes darkened. "Thing is, I ended up kissing Shouta."

"That's terrible."

"Just as terrible as when Yuu beat me up like crazy. No one has ever seen him as angry as that. He was dating Shouta back then, but they were falling out too. Or so I thought. Takki had to detain him for two days and I had to spend a night in the hospital."

"Why did Taiki-san do such thing?"

"He was curious. He knew we weren't meant for each other, so he wanted to know who was for me, since my relationship with him and Bishin both failed. I know he didn't mean any harm, and he was really sorry for the incident. When I woke up in the hospital, he told me that we both were better as friends. It's a long time ago, so we're fine now. And he's right, friends fit better for us."

"So are you dating Shouta-san?"

Ryouma sighed. "Nope. He sees me as an extremely flirtatious older brother, but no more than that. If anything, my bruises only made his relationship with Yuu even stronger."

"So they're still together."

"Indeed. But I don't mind. It's actually fun being single. I know my friends never mean anything bad when they tease me like that." He paused for a minute, and then grinned. "Dai-chan hasn't told you about Bishin, right? He's a nice guy, you'll like him."

"He's in the Navy, right? Bishin-san?"

Ryouma nodded. "I think he's younger than you, but he's really stubborn. So persistent over following his old man's footsteps. When he told us about his plan, Dai-chan took it real hard."

"Why?"

"He hates the military, if that's still unclear for you. He hates it with a passion. His time in the Army for the war was nothing but unpleasant."

"My brother was in the Army too."

"I wasn't. I was small and totally underage, two years younger than Dai-chan. And unlike him, I didn't fake my age just to get there." He took a deep breath. "I'll be honest with you, Mao-kun. Despite his cheery facade, Dai-chan is a mystery."

"What happened in the war?"

Ryouma eyed him oddly, but answered. "It's... it's not my place to say. You should ask him yourself, maybe he'll tell you."

"Okay." But Kyousuke wasn't sure of how he would ask the older man. The tight expression Daisuke had worn while telling him about the war was disturbing enough.

The sculptor stood. "Now, now, enough for the pity party. I'm suddenly hit by an inspiration. Do you mind if we start a day earlier than promised?"

Kyousuke shook his head. "What should I do?"

And as he posed for Ryouma, a realization came to him. It was his first anger outburst in years.

Daisuke sure had turned him emotional.


	9. A Girl and a Sunflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A girl challenges Kyousuke, so he takes it.

"Kyou-chan, please don't go outside today."

Kyousuke turned his stare from his bedroom ceiling to the door. His mother was there, smiling brightly. Something twisted Kyousuke's stomach, most likely trepidation.

_This won't be good._

When his mother took him to the living room, where a young woman was already waiting, Kyousuke knew his feelings were confirmed. He sighed and tried to get away, probably jumping out the window, but his mother had a death grip on his hand. Kyousuke would like to keep that hand, especially when Ryouma said it was perfect on his new project. Thinking about that project, he was grateful that they had started yesterday instead of today.

"Kyou-chan, meet Maaya-chan." Kyousuke's mother introduced them both, a smile never left her face. She pushed her son so he was seated next to the girl, and he was forced to look at her. He threw a glare to his mother, who feigned ignorance.

"You know, Kyou-chan, she's interested in chemistry too, just like you!"

Seeing no way out, Kyousuke turned into his polite mode. "Really?" he asked, turning to the girl. "That's good."

The girl nodded enthusiastically. Her big eyes reminded Kyousuke of Taiki's, and he absently wondered if she had some drugged chocolate too. The thought was so amusing that he couldn't help but to grin. His mother saw it, apparently, as a progress, so she stood and said that she'd give them some time alone. When she had disappeared to the kitchen, Kyousuke turned to the girl.

"Would you like to see my private laboratory?"

She nodded. "I'd love to."

Kyousuke led the way, and showed her the place. He realized that he hadn't been into it since he was hospitalized. It felt like a long time ago.

"This is awesome!" Kyousuke heard the girl exclaim. He let her wander around, watching all the equipments he had stored. He did stop her, though, when she reached the glass shelves containing Kyousuke's favourite experiments.

"I'm not sure you'll like that," he said quietly.

She gave him a smile. "Make me like it, then," she challenged. "I've seen enough bizzare experiments in my life, so tell me what these are."

Kyousuke obliged, and tell her whatever he'd been doing. She watched him with pure interest, until he picked up a vial.

"Um, Kyousuke-kun?" She was obviously unnerved by the 'DANGEROUS' label glued to it. Kyousuke only smiled at her.

"Don't worry," he said, unable to keep sarcasm from his words. "I'm just keeping up to your word. You love challenges, right?"

With that, he uncorked the vial and drank the liquid in one try.

Her screams were the last thing he heard.

 

* * *

 

"You're awake." 

It wasn't the voice Kyousuke had expected in his comatose state. He blinked, and the usual white ceiling stared back at him.

"How are you feeling?"

Kyousuke turned his head and saw a familiar young man in the nurse uniform. He gave him a weak smile. Even though he wasn't expected, Kyousuke really appreciated a familiar face.

"Hello, Nurse Naito."

"Shush," Taiki chided, rolling his eyes. His gestures reminded Kyousuke of Ryouma. "How are you feeling? I pay you a visit because I heard you're here."

"Fine. A bit sore." It was a serious understatement. Kyousuke felt really drained and hungry. Taiki apparently knew this too, because he put the tray of food on the bedside table.

"You must be hungry. They pumped your stomach, after all." He looked concerned, as if wanting to ask more, but then he shrugged. "Enjoy your meal, Mao-kun."

With that, he was gone. Kyousuke picked the bowl of porridge, scowling, but then he realized that it was the only thing he could swallow right now. His throat was extremely dry he couldn't say anything without croaking. His hand stopped when he saw a single sunflower on the tray. His scowl turned into a smile as he picked it up. There was a note attached to it.

_Sunflowers are warm and alive. You should too._


	10. Please Sit Down, for the Third Time

"Please sit down, Kyousuke-kun."

Now Kyousuke knew when he was dragged to this place: whenever he did his self-poisoning stunt. The therapist gave him a small smile, yet he still looked unnerving.

"How are you today?"

"Fine."

The therapist nodded, even though it was obvious that Kyousuke didn't feel fine at all; his sore throat proved it. But he didn't say anything, and Kyousuke sat down.

"Can you tell me why you were admitted to the hospital this time?"

"Annoying girl." So ironic; Kyousuke felt the urge to speak when his vocal chords were actually damaged. "Took her as a challenge."

"I see. Anything else?" The therapist stared at him encouragingly. "You can talk to me just fine."

Kyousuke remembered Ryouma's project and the sunflowers and smiled. "I'm being immortalized."

The therapist waited.

"Does this mean death doesn't want me?"

"Death will want you in time, Kyousuke-kun."

His words reminded Kyousuke of Daisuke's story about the military. He nodded.

"You're right."

 

* * *

 

Kyousuke stayed in the hospital for two days, just like his earlier hospitalization. When he finally went home, his family practically put him on lockdown. He couldn't go outside his bedroom without being accompanied, and opening his laboratory's door was completely hopeless. Damn it, he missed Daisuke. He'd never felt like this towards someone else but his family. Maybe Ryouma was right; he really liked the older man. He was grateful at that sculptor for saying it out loud.

Eventually he came up with a solution.

"Aniki, do you mind giving this for Takasaki-san?"

"You know him?" Kyousuke's brother was a customer of the music store; there was no way he didn't know Shouta.

"Met him once, he's a mutual friend."

His brother looked glad, as if the news of Kyousuke having a friend was something worth a celebration. Or maybe it was. "What's this?" he asked, glancing at the letter in his hand.

"It's about the violin he asked for," Kyousuke lied quickly. He knew his brother didn't have any interest towards that musical instrument, and Shouta looked so much on the contrary when he and Daisuke went past him last week. "He really wants to play it someday."

"I see." His brother nodded. "Well, why not? I'll drop by the music store. Don't look so bothered; I'll do anything for my baby bro. See you later, Kyou-chan."

As he watched him walking away, Kyousuke realized how much he loved his brother.


	11. The Sunflower Garden (Kyousuke's Backstory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisuke takes Kyousuke to a beautiful place.  
> A certain officer is involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much longer chapter here. Yay!

"Psst!"

Kyousuke was more than familiar with that calling method. He grinned and opened his window. This time, it was someone he most expected.

The motorcycle he was riding, though, wasn't. He gaped at it for a while, and he needed Daisuke's voice to break the silence.

"I reckon you're calling me?" The older man was waving his letter; his smile was as wide and cheerful as Kyousuke liked to see.

Still grinning, Kyousuke changed as fast as he could and sneaked out his room. It was still early, so he didn't want to make a ruckus. He scribbled a note and left it on the dining table.

 

_Is out. Will be back later._

_\- Kyou-chan_

 

Afterwards, he practically flew out the house. "What's this?" he asked, eyeing the motorbike. He remembered his own, which he had sold in order to buy another bicycle.

"I know you love your bike, because so do I," Daisuke answered. "But we need something stronger."

"Does this mean we'll go far?" The thought of him riding the motorbike with Daisuke towards the unknown filled Kyousuke with joy. He was even more elated when he saw Daisuke's nod.

"Hop on."

Kyousuke was more than happy to oblige.

 

* * *

 

Daisuke had thought of everything. When he finally pulled over at the side of an empty road, Kyousuke watched as he pulled out several things from his backpack. 

"We're having a picnic?"

"You sound so enthusiastic, Mao." He chuckled nonetheless. "But yeah, we're having a picnic."

"Here?" He'd never had a picnic at the side of the road, so that confused him for quite a bit. 

"Why not? We can see cars here." 

Kyousuke wasn't sure if the reason was logical, but he finally sat down on the grass and started to eat the bento Daisuke had prepared. They ate in silence and sometimes watched when cars went past them. After finishing his meal, Daisuke suddenly laid himself on the grass, right next to the asphalt road.

"I can feel something's coming," he told Kyousuke, who was staring at him with a 'what-are-you-doing' kind of gaze. "The grass tells me so."

Kyousuke smiled as Daisuke's prediction was proved right. After the car went past them, he asked, "Can I feel it too?"

"They'd love to have you," Daisuke replied. "Come here."

By that, he sat up and let Kyousuke lay down on his place earlier. He himself found a seat next to the young man. "Have they told you yet?"

Kyousuke didn't feel anything but the grass tickling his ears, so that was what he told his companion. "Just wait, Mao, just wait," was the reply he got.

When the grass finally vibrated, Kyousuke almost cheered. He didn't know why, but it made him happy.

"See?" Daisuke asked after two cars and several motorbikes had gone past them. "They're happy to tell you."

Kyousuke sat up. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because that's what I call the simple joy of living."

 _Living_.

Kyousuke used to associate that with his family's demands, and he didn't like it at all. But when he saw Daisuke, his eyes twinkling and his lips shaping a wide grin, he knew he had got another definition of that word.

"Thank you, Dai-chan." _For everything_.

The man looked surprised, but the grin didn't fade. "You're welcome, Mao," he said, as if he knew why Kyousuke was thanking him.

But, then again, maybe he did.

 

* * *

 

"We're here."

Kyousuke's eyes widened when he saw sunflowers before him. The beauty of it erased all the weariness he had felt in their long journey.

"Wow."

"Wow indeed," Daisuke affirmed. "This land actually belongs to Takki's friend, so we're given free entry. Come."

Daisuke took Kyousuke's hand and led him to the middle of the flowers. The flowers weren't as tall as the ones in Kyousuke's dream in the hospital, but the ambiance still reminded him of it. Especially the way Daisuke practically danced in front of him. They finally found a small path they could sit on, which was under the only tree in the middle of those yellow beauties. Daisuke leaned against the wood, smiling gently.

"Do you realize that it was the first time you called my name?" he asked, referring Kyousuke's thankfulness earlier.

Kyousuke blinked. No, he hadn't realized that. "I'm sorry. I don't know why."

"It's okay to not know," Daisuke replied. "There are too many things in life to be known by one person."

"Dai-chan?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Did you send all those sunflowers?"

Daisuke sat up straighter. "I'm glad you noticed that. Taiki told me you were in the hospital."

"But why sunflowers?"

"Why?" Daisuke asked back. "Because they're warm and alive. And beautiful."

"Did..." Suddenly Kyousuke's throat felt dry, as if he were hospitalized all over again. "Did Taiki-san tell you _why_ I was there?"

Daisuke slowly sneaked his hand into Kyousuke's, finally holding it. It was enough for an answer.

"I'm a brat."

"Eh?"

"I'm a brat," Kyousuke repeated. "I'm not supposed to be. My family is pretty wealthy and they love me. My brother is the best. So why I can't just—"

He choked on his own words. When on earth did he start crying?

Kyousuke couldn't look at Daisuke's eyes anymore, so he looked at their entwined hands. Daisuke's hand was so warm. But when Kyousuke stared at it closely, he could see faint scars.

"It's okay, Mao."

"No, it's not," Kyousuke retorted by the time he'd found his voice again. "I'm still young. I shouldn't be... fascinated with _death_."

Daisuke didn't say anything through the young man's tormented confession, but his grip was steady and comforting. Kyousuke couldn't help but to continue.

"Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything."

And told him he did.

"I was... I was in high school when it happened. I was making some... some silly experiment in the lab, and it exploded." He paused, taking a deep breath to control his voice. "The teachers told my parents I was dead, and they almost had a heart attack. But... in fact... I was already home. I survived and went home as if nothing happened. They didn't... they didn't see me coming back. Earlier that day... I was told to choose between the army and the university. I don't want any of it. So, whenever they push me to do something... it's the best way to stop them. And slowly... I grow to like it."

He gasped, sobbed, and wept to his heart's content. "I shouldn't like it, right, Dai-chan? I... should've doing things... studying. Not... poisoning myself. But... but I... I just... just..."

"Oh, Mao, my boy." When Kyousuke couldn't find more words, Daisuke released his grip and circled his arms over his smaller shoulders. He let the young man cry on his chest as long as it took.

 

* * *

 

 

"Dai-chan? Who's Takki?"

"What?" Daisuke's shout beat the sound of the motorbike's engines. Kyousuke chuckled and realized that he wouldn't be heard at all.

"Nothing, I'll ask later!" This was also shouted. Daisuke nodded, obviously had heard him. They went down the empty road, and went past their houses. Kyousuke realized that they were on their way to the square.

But instead of going past the music store, Daisuke stopped in front of the police station. Fear clutched Kyousuke, but it dissipated when he saw the older man's smile.

"Now," he began, climbing down the motorbike. "What did you want to ask?"

"Who's Takki?"

"Haven't you asked about him before?" Daisuke chuckled and was going to answer when his eyes suddenly darted past Kyousuke. He pointed beyond Kyousuke's shoulder. "That's him."

The young man turned to see the direction of Daisuke's index finger. There was a man, obviously a policeman if one looked at his uniform. And his eyes and folded arms showed that he wasn't pleased.

"You better have an explanation about this, Daisuke Watanabe."

His tone was so threatening and authoritative it sent shivers down Kyousuke's spine. But the one being addressed only grinned, his hand dangling the key of the motorbike.

"You're _so_ not fun, Takki."

 _Oh. So this is Takki._ Kyousuke didn't know why he had never noticed him before; this town was small, and everybody knew each other. Especially a public figure like this.

"How am I supposed to have fun, Dai-chan?" Takki asked sullenly, but the nickname showed that his anger had lessened. "You took it when I was sleeping."

"I did leave you a note. You said it's okay as long as I leave a note first."

"It must've been alcohol speaking." Takki snorted, but it was obvious that he was trying not to laugh. "Kei almost lost it, as usual. But you're lucky I found it, so you're spared."

Daisuke looked relieved. "We had fun."

"So I've heard. Who's this?"

Kyousuke took it as the cue for him. He jumped down the vehicle and bowed, introducing himself. He could feel the policeman's calculating stare, but tried to pay it no heed.

"I'm Yukihiro Takiguchi. Or in Dai-chan's case, _Officer_ Yukihiro Takiguchi." He looked back and forth at the two men in front of him. "So you're the famous Mao-kun."

Daisuke shushed him then looked away as if embarrassed. Takki's demeanor changed, and he was now smiling. "Our friend here stole my motorcycle. I hope you won't follow his footsteps."

"Hey!" Daisuke protested. "I returned it without a scratch, you know."

"You're lucky I'm not arresting you for theft."

"Ha, ha, you're funny."

"Anyway, go home. It's getting dark. Should I take you back to your place, Mao-kun? You live a bit far from here, right?"

Kyousuke nodded. "I'll be fine, Takki-san."

"Wait a second. Hamao is your surname... is your brother a fireman?" When Kyousuke nodded, Takki's expression changed. "I'm certainly not having my neck wrung by him. Come on, I'll take you home."

Kyousuke frowned. He knew Takki had a point, but it irritated him that his family was mentioned. "What about Dai-chan?"

"I'm good," the older man piqued. "I'm sure Takki will be glad to have me here a bit longer."

"Of course," Takki replied dryly. "Hop on, Mao-kun. Your brother's protectiveness is really famous around here, and I'd love to keep my head."

"Okay," Kyousuke said, albeit reluctantly. He only didn't want to cause more trouble, especially for the man he liked.

"It's fine, Mao, really," Daisuke soothed as he practically pushed Kyousuke towards the motorcycle, on which Takki had sat. "Besides, I need to see Kei. I owe him my thanks."

Daisuke waved at them from the place he was standing, and Kyousuke returned the gesture until he couldn't see him anymore. Unlike Daisuke earlier, Takki didn't drive loudly. Thus, Kyousuke could hear his grumbling.

"Don't tell me you two trespassed into Kei and Tomo's garden."

"Takki-san, please don't do anything to Dai-chan. I'm partly responsible, too."

"You're so sweet," Takki replied. "He knows better than letting me arrest him, really. But sometimes he's just so carefree it makes people worry."

"I see."

"But I have to admit, you make him happier." Takki slowed his motorcycle, and Kyousuke saw his own house not so far away. "So, thank you, Mao-kun."

Something, most likely pride, swelled inside Kyousuke, and he nodded with a smile on his lips. They finally stopped in front of Kyousuke's house, and Takki stared at the young man as he descended. "Look, to be honest I'm not too supportive on your... friendship, since he's almost a decade older than you. Not even when Ryouma and the others tried to talk me out of it."

"They told you about me?"

"They're a bunch of gossipers, you know." Takki laughed. It didn't sound as loud and contagious as Daisuke's and Ryouma's, or high-pitched like Shouta's, but Kyousuke liked it. Despite his seriousness, Takki seemed friendly enough. "Artists who gossip like a bunch of schoolgirls. Well, blame Ryouma. He's the worst."

"What did he do?" Suddenly Kyousuke felt dread at the sculptor.

"Nothing bad," Takki said shortly. "He gathered all of us after he first met you, telling us about you and Dai-chan. But frankly, we're all happy to see Dai-chan having more friends. It's difficult for him to do that."

"Really?" Difficult in making friends? _That_ Dai-chan?

The police officer nodded. "He doesn't... like being around new people, so we're happy when he starts talking about you." He suddenly sighed. "I just never thought he'd befriend someone so young."

Kyousuke had to admit his new friend had a point, but he didn't say anything. He himself also never thought he'd befriend someone much older than him. They stood in an awkward silence until Takki patted his shoulder.

"I'll wait here to explain if you need some back-up, so get in and give me some signal."

"What will you say?"

"That you're helping around in the police station and lost track of time. I reckon they haven't met Dai-chan yet?"

"No, they haven't."

"Okay. Now, get in there."

When Kyousuke did, his worried parents were the ones who saw him the first time. So he went to his bedroom, opened the window, and gestured Takki to come in.

_This will be a long day._


	12. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke finally notices something about his older friend. And does it matter?

Thanks to Takki's—Officer Takiguchi, according to Kyousuke's parents—persuasion, Kyousuke's parents no longer implicitly grounded him. He was also allowed to go outside as long as he told them or his brother first. Kyousuke wondered what kind of magic in his words that could charm them.

And time went on.

His relationship with Daisuke stayed the same, even though he could feel it went deeper than before. Kyousuke wasn't physical, but he found himself welcoming every touch initiated by the older man. They still went to the graveyard together, putting down flowers on random graves. They still had their picnic on the hill, and rolling down on it had also become their amusing routine.

All in all, things were going fine.

"Oi, Mao-kun, daydreaming again?"

"Oh, sorry."

Ryouma's eyes were knowing, as if he could see who was in Kyousuke's mind. Kyousuke waited to be interrogated, or at least teased, but Ryouma didn't say anything. He only walked towards the side of his studio. It'd been one and a half month since Kyousuke started to model for him, and today he was called to see the result. The young man was full of curiosity; he wondered how he'd look like. Finally, Ryouma stopped next to a covered statue. Kyousuke knew it was the one.

"As you know, this will be put in the art school nearby starting next week, so I hope you won't go berserk because it's gone."

Kyousuke blushed. "I know, I know."

"Good." Ryouma took the white cloth and pulled it away, revealing his work of art.

Kyousuke saw his own eyes staring back at him. The statue, save from the base, was only his height. He was standing proudly, a hand holding a cane, and the other a bouquet. Kyousuke could see his mother's smile on it, which was said to be identical to his. It was made exactly like how Ryouma styled his pose.

"You like it?"

"It's beautiful."

"Your interpretation, please. What do you see in it?"

Kyousuke blinked, mind blank. He looked even more carefully, and something came into his mind. "The cane and bouquet are old age and death. I look like I'm waiting for death. But... I don't know."

Ryouma clapped his hands despite Kyousuke's unsure reply. "Your senses are pretty strong, even though I'm sure you're biased about the bouquet part. Still, I think you'll do well in art."

"Thanks." To be honest, Kyousuke didn't really care about it, just like he didn't care about his future.

"I was planning to add some more details, but I think it's pretty good."

Kyousuke nodded in agreement as he walked around the immortal version of him. He stopped when he noticed something.

"Ryouma-san?"

"Hm?"

The statue was only wearing plus-fours, so Kyousuke could see a mark on one of his statue's leg. "I don't have a scar like this."

"Oh." Apparently something dawned on the sculptor's mind, so he walked and stood next to the young man. "I forgot to tell you this."

"What is it?"

"Physically, it's you. But I used Dai-chan's body for details." Ryouma gave him a smile. "So, this is basically you and he merged together. That's why I still need him to make more details on the arms."

Kyousuke couldn't believe what he just heard. His eyes finally darted themselves at the scar on the leg, while his memory replayed the faint ones on Daisuke's hand in his grip, back then in the garden of sunflowers.

"Do you know why I used him?"

"No. Is it because I don't want to... get naked?" Kyousuke didn't care at the heat on his cheeks as he asked so. He really needed to know. But he did care of the guilt inside him.

Ryouma smirked, but it disappeared abruptly when he saw the young man's face. "Don't beat yourself up, Mao-kun, it's not your fault. I've been planning to do this from the start."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm not sure how you'll react. Wait, does that mean you've never seen him naked?"

Kyousuke choked on air and Ryouma burst out laughing. "And here I thought you two have gone all the way!"

The young man was sure his cheeks were melting right now. He tried to glare at Ryouma in order to stop him from practically rolling on the floor laughing. "Is it that funny?" he asked, exasperated.

"It's just... I really thought like that when Takki told me Dai-chan stole his bike to take you to that sunflower garden." The sculptor sat up from his spot on the floor. "You see, he'd never done something like that before. Well, he did steal Takki's bike, but he'd never taken anyone to that garden. That place is really private for him. He must've liked you very much."

"Yeah..."

"Hey," Ryouma cooed, nudging the still blushing young man. "Aren't you supposed to be happy?"

"I am," Kyousuke muttered. "I am."

"Then go for it." Ryouma huffed. "Seriously, you two are stupid. I won't be surprised if you never realize how he limps when he walks, or—"

"What?"

Ryouma stopped his own speech. It was obvious that he'd intended it as a joke. His eyes widened comically, but Kyousuke was too shocked to notice.

"You don't realize? Like, not at all?" When Kyousuke shook his head and looked at the scar at the back of his statue's leg, Ryouma sighed. "You really are hopeless."

Kyousuke barely heard him. That scar eerily resembled a gunshot wound, after all.

 

* * *

 

Kyousuke was aware right now. One hundred percent aware, a day after his eventful day with Ryouma Baba the Infamous Sculptor. And he mentally kicked himself for not being so since their first meeting. Then again, their first meeting didn't really end well. And afterwards, Kyousuke never noticed the way Daisuke walked. It was always his smile, kind words, and contagious laugh that came to his mind.

Not legs. Never legs.

"Mao, you're spacing out."

"Oh. Sorry." Kyousuke returned to the bread he was eating. They were on their usual hill, one that had become Kyousuke's favourite place. The sun was setting, but neither seemed willing to leave.

"What's on your mind?" Since Kyousuke told him about his fascination, Daisuke had been more protective on him. He constantly asked if he were okay, or urged him to tell what bothered him. Kyousuke was glad, even though the pestering irritated him sometimes.

"Ryouma-san said you're modelling for him."

"Yeah. His new project is a big one and he needs my help. Again." Daisuke sounded proud as he said this. "Even though he keeps calling me wrinkly old geezer."

Kyousuke chuckled. "Have you seen the result?"

"Not yet. I'll see him tomorrow. He's strange this time, though. He wants to get my 'small details'. If only he weren't a friend, I'd be totally creeped out."

"Small details?" Kyousuke asked, feigning innocence.

"Scars. Battle wounds."

Daisuke said those words nonchalantly, but Kyousuke could see his expression darkening. It made him feel uneasy. "I'm sorry, Dai-chan."

"It's not your fault. It was a long time ago." Daisuke suddenly stood and walked away to the edge of the hill, their usual rolling spot. This time, Kyousuke kept an eye on his legs.

Ryouma was right.

"Hey, Mao! Wanna go down?"

Kyousuke blinked and the image of Daisuke limping slightly was gone. All he was seeing right now were huge smile and warm eyes.

It was enough.

"Count me in!"


	13. Exhibition (Yuusuke's Backstory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke finally meets the last person in Daisuke's circle of friends.  
> He gets his story.

Kyousuke knew the art school where Ryouma's statue was displayed; he'd been there before. And it wasn't pleasant. His desperate parents did everything they could to prepare him for his own future. They weren't fans of art, but they'd dragged him there anyway. He looked around, at the buildings. They had been silent witnesses of Kyousuke's frontal rejection of having a higher education.

"Oi, Mao-kun."

Kyousuke was grateful for Takki's call, for it cut off his reverie completely. Takki was walking towards him, followed by Shouta and someone Kyousuke had never seen. But judging from the loving gazes they threw at each other, it was most probably Yuusuke, Shouta's boyfriend.

"Oi, Mao-kun!" This time it was Shouta's turn to call him. He nudged the man next to him. "You haven't met him, right? This is Yuusuke Arai." He blushed a bit, and that was enough confirmation about their relationship.

If Ryouma was tall, this man was even taller, even though not much. He was wearing a black turtleneck, which made him look thinner. He bowed and they exchanged introduction. "Where's the exhibition?" he asked. He seemed curt and serious, and Kyousuke remembered Ryouma's story. He wondered if this man was in good terms with the sculptor.

"Over here," Kyousuke replied, trying to distract himself. He led the way to the nearest building.

Takki walked alongside him. "Where's Dai-chan?"

"He said he couldn't come," Kyousuke said, a bit sadly. "He has a painting to be done."

Takki nodded, and his expression said that he knew something that Kyousuke didn't. The young man was curious, but didn't dare ask.

They arrived in a hall. It was the biggest one in town, and there were a lot of artworks being exhibited. But still, Kyousuke didn't take a long time to find Ryouma's. Well, maybe it was also because the loudmouthed man was there.

"Well, hello there!"

Ryouma was beaming as he made his way towards them. Taiki followed him not far behind; his grin matched his ex's.

"Look what he'd made. It's Mao-kun." Taiki's words were full of pride, and Kyousuke wondered if they had got back together. "It's beautiful, huh?"

Kyousuke blushed as his friends started to examine the statue. Takki and Yuusuke didn't say more than simple compliments, but Ryouma seemed happy enough. Shouta's loud, high-pitched praise filled the silence instead. Not long after he and Ryouma were busy chatting, leaving the rest awkward and silent.

"Hey, Taiki-kun," Takki finally spoke. "Do you mind if I talk to you in private?"

Taiki shrugged and followed the young police officer. With that, they walked out the hall. Kyousuke cursed inwardly; at first he thought Takki or Taiki would save him from this intimidating man. Now he was left to deal with this guy alone.

"Mao-kun," Yuusuke called, his voice low. Kyousuke turned and saw him smiling a little. "Let's look around."

Knowing he had no choice, Kyousuke followed him. Only a few big statues accompanied Ryouma's, and the rest were paintings. Kyousuke didn't pay any of them much heed, until Yuusuke stopped in front of one.

"Mao-kun, look."

The painting was an oil one, the colours mixed in a surrealistic way. It was a portrait of a boy. He had big eyes and smile, his brown hair mixed with red and green. Underneath it, the name of the painting and the painter was seen, written both in kanji and Latin alphabets.

 

_Attachment_

_By: Death's Lover_

 

"Can you guess who did this?" Yuusuke's voice cut through Kyousuke's reverie.

Kyousuke didn't, so he stared back at the painting. After a while, he realized that the dark green on the hair was actually blades of grass.

It was himself. 

"But why don't he come if his painting is here?"

Yuusuke sighed. "He has his own principles. I wonder when he last visited this place... or the theatre."

"Why is that?" Kyousuke hated the fact that Daisuke never told him this… or anything about himself in that matter. Ryouma's words rang in his mind.

_"I'll be honest with you, Mao-kun. Despite his cheery facade, Dai-chan is a mystery."_

"You don't know? Shou's right, he doesn't even open up to you, and you're the closest person to him right now." He sighed again. "After the war, he tried to get in here, to get a degree in theatre. But they didn't want to deal with his physical condition. You know about that, right?"

Kyousuke nodded, embarrassed that he'd just found out. "They didn't want him here because of it?"

Yuusuke looked sad. "Indeed. We all tried our best to help. Shou even used his connections; his aunt was one of the lecturers here. But in the end we couldn't do anything."

"Then what happened?"

"He joined the local theatre. I followed not long after. He was my role model, especially in acting." He looked even sadder when he said this. "We both competed for roles, because the director thought we could play anything. Even though I mostly ended up playing secondary characters while he got the main part, it was heaven for me."

"I see." Kyousuke turned to stare at the painting. The more he looked, the more he saw himself in it, despite the mixed colours.

Next to him, Yuusuke was still speaking. "Then the theatre was sold. The new owner didn't like Dai-chan. I don't know why. He started rumours and forced him to play minor roles. Eventually he exploded and quitted. It was miserable."

"That's why he doesn't want to return?"

"That's the reason, yeah," Yuusuke replied. "But my hands are also dirty. I have to admit I was desperate. My teaching degree didn't get me a job, and he was going to take my dream role. So... let's say we had a bit of an argument. It's a long time ago, but I still haven't the courage to apologize."

"Is this why you're telling this to me?"

"Yeah."

"When Shouta-san told us about your major role, he wasn't happy."

"I know. Shou told me that. I'm really sorry, and I'd love it if he'll come and watch our rehearsal someday. Do you mind relaying the message?"

"I don't mind. But will he take it well?" _I don't want to upset him_.

Yuusuke looked thoughtful. "Did he speak badly of me?"

"No. Not as far as I can remember. He jokes about you to Ryouma-san, though."

"I might sound too hopeful, but it's a good start, Mao-kun." He sighed, but then smiled. "About that fight with Ryouma, that was stupid. I'm lucky they still let me in their circle, and that Shou is still with me. But I have to admit Ryouma is pretty unbearable sometimes."

Kyousuke couldn't help but to agree at that. Yuusuke saw his nod and smiled. "You're a nice kid, Mao-kun. No wonder Dai-chan is smitten. How old are you? Eighteen?"

"Twenty-one." Kyousuke never liked it if he was regarded younger than he was supposed to be.

"Sorry," Yuusuke said. Unlike Daisuke's other friends who joked about his age, he sounded sincere. "Thank you for hearing me out, Mao-kun."

"I'm sorry if I sound rude, Arai-san," Kyousuke started. "But why don't you visit him and talk? I can take you to his house if you don't know where he lives."

"I know where he lives. I'm just not sure if he'd like visitors. Even Takki almost never visits his house, and Dai-chan was the first person he spoke to when he was a baby."

"Really? I visit him almost every day."

Yuusuke nodded, looking a bit amused at Kyousuke's surprised expression. "Shou told me about your letter to Dai-chan. Are you sure you're not dating?"

Kyousuke's cheeks burned. "No."

"What a pity. He allows you to his house and Tomo's garden. You two really should give it a go."

Kyousuke couldn't help but to laugh. "You're not the only one who said that."

"And he won't be the last if you two won't hit that point soon enough." Suddenly Shouta and Ryouma appeared behind them, identical grin on their faces. Ryouma was right; they indeed looked more like brothers than boyfriends.

Yuusuke circled his arm around his boyfriend and smirked as well. "Shush, stop teasing the poor kid."

They didn't, and Kyousuke looked back at the painting to distract himself. It was Ryouma's comment that brought him back to reality.

"Dai-chan sure loves using that alias, huh?"


	14. Attachment (Daisuke's Backstory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisuke tells his story. Kyousuke tells the truth.

"Hello there, Mao!"

It was several hours after the exhibition, but it was obvious that Daisuke hadn't finished whatever painting he was doing. He had blue paint on his cheek, and his eyes showed no sleep, yet he was smiling when he realised who his guest was. Kyousuke himself stood on the doorway, a bit awkwardly. His mind couldn't stop spinning.

 _Death's Lover_. This man was the one who encouraged him to keep living, but he had that kind of name as an alias. How ironic.

"Mao, why do you keep standing there? Come in." Daisuke impatiently pushed him in.

_He doesn't really like visitors._

"Why?"

"Why what, Mao?"

"Why didn't you come to the exhibition?"

Daisuke froze, his hands stayed on Kyousuke's back. "I told you, I have a painting to finish. Did Ryouma ask for me?"

"No." Somehow Kyousuke didn't want to face the older man. "But I saw your painting."

A long silence filled the house.

"I didn't—how did—"

"It was me you painted, Dai-chan." Suddenly Kyousuke felt tired, as if he'd run for miles. "Of course I know it's you. And it's beautiful, thank you."

Daisuke stepped forward, so they were now face to face. "You're welcome."

Kyousuke felt the urge to hug him, but he couldn't bring himself to move. So he settled on brushing the paint on Daisuke's cheek, wiping it as cleanly as he could. He was so warm.

"Want to go to the hill?"

 

* * *

 

"Are you sure your parents won't freak out?" 

"No."

"I'm not sure."

"It'll be okay," Kyousuke insisted, looking up to the starry sky. It was already evening, and they were still sitting next to each other on the hill. "I asked Takki-san to cover up for me. Aniki knows sometimes I 'help out' in the police station. He might think I'm doing night patrol or something."

Daisuke burst into laughter. "Poor guy. Sometimes I wonder if he were our caretaker or something."

Kyousuke laughed with him. They finally sat in silence, watching the stars.

"So you've seen my painting, huh?" Daisuke asked, breaking the silence. He lay down on the grass, his eyes still focused at the stars above them. "I hate that place."

"The art school?"

"Yeah. I planned to finish my education and went there, but fate wasn't on my side back then. And it's thanks for something as trivial as this." Daisuke patted his wounded leg.

"Have you got over it?" Kyousuke blurted the question that had haunted his mind since Ryouma told him about Daisuke's disability.

Daisuke looked at him sadly. "I'll never be able to get over it, Mao. But I can live with it."

"Because you're like the sunflower."

Daisuke beamed. "That's very nice of you. And yeah, because life goes on."

Kyousuke chuckled and lay down on the grass as well. "You keep me alive, by the way."

"Eh?"

Embarrassment suddenly filled Kyousuke's insides. "I won't say it twice," he said sullenly, blushing.

Out of the blue, Daisuke's arms gathered the young man into a hug. "Live, Mao, live."

Kyousuke closed his eyes as a pair of lips was felt on his forehead. "Okay."

It was a promise. Kyousuke blinked and saw a very soft smile on Daisuke's lips. _I want to kiss him so badly_.

Somehow, he couldn't, so he spoke instead. "Dai-chan?"

"Hm?"

"I met Arai-san."

Daisuke's smile faded, but he didn't show any indication that he was surprised. He continued cuddling the younger man, indirectly relieving Kyousuke. "I know he'll be there. What did he tell you?"

"He'd love to see you at the rehearsal."

"I'm not sure I'll come, but I'll think about it. That place destroyed everything."

"What happened?"

"I found out that the new owner planned to close down the theatre and demolish the building. I confronted him and he turned all the actors against me. Yuusuke-kun was no exception. He really needed the money because he couldn't find any teaching job back then, so he wanted to have that major role. It was hard for both of us."

"But that place survives."

"I threatened the owner. If he dared to do anything to the theatre I'll tell everyone the real side of him. He's involved in a lot of dirty jobs. Takki would love to get his criminal records, and he knows that."

"I see."

"Yuusuke-kun and I never really talk about this, even though he told me I can see him at the school where he teaches. I guess I should; this problem has stayed for too long."

"It's your choice, Dai-chan."

Daisuke tightened his hug. "Right. Thank you, Mao, thank you so much."

"I didn't do anything."

"You did enough."

They stayed silent again, basking in each other's warmth. "Dai-chan?"

"Hm?"

"Can I be honest with you?"

"What is it, Mao?"

"I never realized that you... walk like that until I saw Ryouma-san's statue."

Daisuke sat up. This time he was shocked. "You never noticed?" He sounded strangely hopeful.

"No. Not at all."

Daisuke blinked once. Twice. Thrice. His eyes were now glassy with tears. Then a smile crossed his lips. It was the sweetest one Kyousuke had ever seen.

"That's... that's the best thing someone has ever told me."

With that, he bent down and placed a kiss on Kyousuke's lips.


	15. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke notices four things.  
> Takki panicked.  
> Daisuke asks, and is asked, about families.

When Kyousuke woke up, there were four things he noticed.

First, he wasn't in his bedroom.

Second, he was in Daisuke's.

Third, he couldn't feel his shirt on him, and in fact he didn't wear any.

Fourth, he was alone.

Well, the last one wasn't completely true. There was nobody sleeping next to him, yes, but he could hear Daisuke's soft hum nearby. He cracked his eyes open, and the sight of a drawing Daisuke greeted him.

The bed was a king-sized one, almost as big as the room itself. It was placed before a huge window. The sunlight shone from behind the headboard and fell onto the blankets. Daisuke sat beneath that light, a bit farther from where Kyousuke was laying. He had a red sketchbook in his hands, and Kyousuke could see a pencil dancing on the paper. The sun lightened him, on his long, black hair, serious expression, and shirtless torso. Kyousuke couldn't help but to stare.

He was beautiful.

"Morning," he greeted hoarsely. The reason behind his voice change led him to the last night's memory, making him blush.

Daisuke looked up from his sketchbook. He blinked, closed the book, and slid it under the bed. Kyousuke, baffled, merely watched what he did. It was like he didn't want Kyousuke to see him drawing.

"What are you doing?"

Daisuke only smiled and crawled towards him. "Nothing. Good morning, Mao. How are you feeling?"

The smile and the kiss, at least for now, were enough for a distraction.

 

* * *

 

"Daisuke Watanabe, I really, really, _really_ want to arrest you right now."

"What did I do this time?" Daisuke asked innocently as he put the cup of tea on the small table before sitting down across from the unexpected visitor.

Takki stared back and forth at him and Kyousuke, the latter standing awkwardly next to the piano. Their shirtless state was absolutely taken to consideration. The police officer snorted, fixing his eyes on Kyousuke.

"Your brother almost destroyed the police station just to look for you."

Daisuke burst into laughter, but Takki's glare quieted him a bit. Kyousuke looked down in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You're lucky that Kei wasn't there or he'd freak out as well. Next time, tell me when you're staying here, okay?"

"Okay."

"Speaking of the police station, I need you there this afternoon. Your brother wants some proof that you're working with me instead of wandering to who-knows-where." When Takki said those last words, his eyes flickered to Daisuke, making the older man smirk.

"Okay."

Takki nodded and stood. Daisuke was still looking at him with amusement. "Stop looking at me like that, Dai-chan, or I'll arrest you for kidnapping."

The joking threat only made Daisuke laugh even harder, so the exasperated Takki only excused himself and walked out the door. After he was gone, Kyousuke stepped forward and nudged the older man.

"Will you stop laughing?" he asked, but he couldn't help but to smile. "He must've had panicked."

"I know, I know," Daisuke finally answered, his voice breathless thanks to his laughter. "I told you so, Mao. Your brother surely has gone to frenzy."

"He's always like that."

Daisuke threw his arms around him, slowly making him sit on his lap. Kyousuke looked down, at scars on the other's torso, and realized that it was the first time he noticed them. "But you love him, right?"

"I do."

"You love your family." It wasn't a question.

"I do." _But they're just so pushy these days_. "How's yours, Dai-chan?"

Daisuke didn't answer for a long time, but he tightened his arms around Kyousuke's slender waist. It felt like ages when he finally spoke up.

"They'll forever stay in Nagasaki, Mao."

He was crying, and that was enough.


	16. Nagasaki (Takki's Backstory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Officer Takiguchi takes Kyousuke on an afternoon patrol.

"Hello, young man. What can I do for you?"

Kyousuke glanced at the badge the man was wearing. Officer Keisuke Kato. _Oh, so this is the 'Kei' who owns the sunflower garden_. He wondered when he would revisit that beautiful place.

"Is Takki-san around? He told me to come here today."

"You must be Hamao-kun," Kei replied. "He's in the back, preparing for the afternoon patrol. Maybe you want to come with him?"

"Are you sure he'll like company?"

Kei shrugged. "Well, he never minds when Tomo goes with him, but nobody can actually resist Tomo's tongue. I'll ask, though." He turned and shouted at the open door behind him. "Oi, Takki! Come out here! Someone wants to go patrolling!"

Not long after, Takki stepped out, obviously confused. His gaze flew to Kyousuke and he nodded.

"Good day, Mao-kun." A small smile crossed his lips. "Of course you can go with me."

"Make sure you pass the fire dept, Takki," Kei suddenly said when they were going to leave. His grin was responded by Takki's sigh and nod.

"Told you so, Mao-kun," the police officer said as they started to go around the small town. "Your brother's protectiveness is famous around here."

"I'm sorry. Whatever he does or says for my sake, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's actually quite nice to have a brother like that."

Kyousuke shrugged. He loved his brother, but he had to admit he could be suffocating sometimes. They went past the fire department, and Kyousuke waved to the building, in case his brother could see him.

"Do you do the patrol every day, Takki-san?"

"Once every three days, night patrols once every two days. When I do the afternoon, Kei does the night one, and vice versa. But this town is relatively safe, and I want to keep it that way."

"When Ryouma-san treated us to celebrate his project, you couldn't come because of the night patrol, right?"

"When was it?" Takki thought about it for a while before realising. "Was it when Ryouma sold that eagle statue?"

"Right." Kyousuke was still a bit irritated when that statue was mentioned.

"Yeah." The motorcycle went past the small stores and arrived in the square. They stopped for a while, watching the people in it. When nobody seemed to have a problem, Takki restarted the vehicle and they continued their journey. "I couldn't come. It was actually Kei's turn to do it, but he was sick. When he's sick, Tomo will practically quarantine him." He chuckled. "About that statue, Ryouma just couldn't stop talking our ears off about it."

"He was really proud of it, wasn't he?"

"Indeed. Maybe it's also because he could get Dai-chan as a model."

"I thought he's been his model since before?"

"I think so," Takki replied. "But it's the first time he wanted to be shirtless. Ryouma said it's probably because he knew you'd come and see him."

"What kind of assumption is that?" Kyousuke felt the urge to laugh despite his burning face.

"He's been together with Taiki-kun for a bit too long that his matchmaking trait rubs on him. But thing is, you came and saw him, right?"

"Yeah."

Takki stopped the motorcycle, and now they were on the side of an empty road. Kyousuke recognize it as the one led to his house and wondered if Takki was actually taking him home.

"You're the first person, aside from us, who aren't disgusted with the scars on his body, or the way he walks." Takki descended and stared at the young man seriously. "Maybe that's why he's in love with you."

_That's because I didn't notice them at first. Am I that blind? Then again, the scars and his limp are pretty noticeable, why couldn't I see it?_

"How did you know this?"

"Dai-chan told me. Don't tell him that you know, okay? It's his secret, but I think you should know."

"Okay."

"Glad to have that settled," Takki said with a small smile. "Come on, I'll take you home."

"Takki-san?"

"What is it, Mao-kun?"

"Arai-san said you're Dai-chan's closest friend, so do you mind... telling me about his family?" _It's been bothering me since he cried on my shoulder this morning_.

Takki stilled. "What do you want to know?"

Kyousuke couldn't really answer that. Takki also noticed this, so he spoke.

"We were both in the Army," he began. "He's my closest friend and I'd do anything for him, so I joined as well. I didn't know why, but we both passed despite being underage. His family didn't take it well."

"He told me the Army was his only certainty."

"Because his family never was. They were anti-war, but Dai-chan didn't have a good relationship with them, so let's say the Army was how he rebelled. They were enraged and left him alone as they went to Nagasaki."

The mention of Nagasaki made Kyousuke shudder. He knew exactly what happened there.

"After the war, he came here because he knew his grandfather lived here. I got his letter a year after, telling me that he's been settled in his grandfather's house and trying to get into the art school. I'm always interested in law enforcement, so when he told me the police department was shorthanded, he got me here."

"How about your family, Takki-san?"

"It's fine. I still keep in touch with my parents. They despised Dai-chan for getting me into the military, but he promised that he'd protect me. When I returned unscathed, they couldn't go against him anymore."

"I see." Kyousuke remembered Daisuke's crying that morning, which felt like ages ago. "How about the others?"

"They grew up here. Taiki's mother was also a nurse, and I met Ryouma's once. Tomo and Kei are neighbours, but they take care of the garden together. I don't know much about Shouta-kun and Yuusuke-kun, though. I'm not really close to them." He paused, looking thoughtful. "But Dai-chan is close to Yuusuke-kun. They were both in the local theatre once."

"I know."

Takki sighed. "I wonder why Dai-chan never tells you this. It's his job, not mine."

"Ryouma-san said he's a mystery."

Takki shrugged and restarted the motorcycle. "He's quite an open book in my case, but maybe that's because we've known each other for so long. And, Mao-kun, there's one thing I want you to know."

"What is it?"

The police officer didn't answer until they arrived at Kyousuke's house.

"Dai-chan doesn't tie himself with anything. I hope you can change that."


	17. The Letter (Shouta's Backstory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke has a letter.  
> Shouta has a suggestion.

"Kyou-chan, do you have any interest of being a police officer?"

Kyousuke groaned. His mother feigned ignorance as she sat on the edge of his bed. It had been two days after Kyousuke slept in Daisuke's house, mistaken as a 'help in the police station that took a lot of time', according to Takki's apology to the Hamao family.

"I don't know," Kyousuke said truthfully.

His mother looked sad. "When will you 'know', my son?"

Kyousuke couldn't answer that, and his mother knew that, too.

"I'm really sorry, Kyou-chan, but we have to do this. We all know you always like chemistry, so we do our best to get you something similar."

She handed her son a letter. "Please, Kyou-chan. We won't be by your side forever, and when that time comes, you only have yourself to depend on."

Kyousuke couldn't believe what he was reading.

 

* * *

 

Kyousuke's hands were shaking when he stood on Daisuke's doorstep. He wondered when his hands started to shake, but he found himself not knowing. He finally could gather his courage to knock.

"Wait a sec, please!" Daisuke's cheerful response made Kyousuke even more nervous. But before he could chicken out, the door was swung open.

"Mao!"

Kyousuke wanted to hug him so much, but couldn't bring himself to move. The older man did instead, gathering Kyousuke into his arms.

"What is it, Mao?"

Kyousuke wanted to speak, or to show Daisuke the letter, but he couldn't. He couldn't lose him, now that their feelings had been laid out in the open.

"Kiss me?" That was what he asked for. Daisuke smiled and obliged, placing a lingering kiss on the younger man's lips.

"Would you like to come in?"

Kyousuke was going to nod when he saw the neat attire the other was wearing. "Dai-chan, are you going somewhere?"

Daisuke blinked as if remembering, then nodded. "Mao, can you ride the bike with me on the back?"

Kyousuke thought about it a bit. "You're not that heavy, I guess," he said, trying to make his tone light. "I'll try."

"Good." Daisuke gave him a piece of paper. "I need you to take me here."

Kyousuke recognized the address written. He couldn't help but to smile. "Let's go, then."

 

* * *

 

Despite having an art school, the town only owned two grade and middle schools and a high school. Kyousuke stopped his bicycle in front of one of the middle schools, and parked it after Daisuke jumped down. The front yard was filled with students, and both of them knew they came in the right time. Daisuke asked for one of the teachers' rooms, and a student led their way.

"Arai-sensei, someone wants to see you."

Yuusuke's eyes widened when he saw Daisuke on the door, but he smiled nonetheless. "Thank you, Sayuri-san. You can go back."

After the student left, he stood, along with someone else they both knew.

"Hello, Shouta-kun," Daisuke greeted, his tone a bit tense.

Shouta smiled at him, but his eyes were fixed on Kyousuke soon after. "Mao-kun!" He was as loud as usual. "I have something to tell you. Come on."

With that, he pulled Kyousuke away from the two men, and they went towards the field behind the school building. It was bigger than the front one, and there were more kids playing around. Shouta found an empty bench and sat down.

"Before you ask, I was just giving Yuu his lunch. I do that often, and he does the same to me in the weekends. Here, here, sit down."

Kyousuke obeyed. "What is it that you wanted to tell me?"

Shouta grinned. "Nothing. I just want to get away from those two."

Kyousuke nodded. He, too, wanted to get away from the awkward atmosphere earlier.

"And I want to thank you."

"For what?"

"For making those two meet by themselves. I bet they're talking rather seriously right now."

Kyousuke remembered Yuusuke's words about apologizing, and Daisuke's about the talk at school. "I think so."

"Whenever they see each other, it's always been with us, and they always sweep their problem under the rug. They always look happy around us, but I always think…" Shouta took a deep breath. He looked as serious as his boyfriend right now, which was odd on him. "I always think that's not healthy."

"Yeah, it isn't."

"If they manage to fix their problem, I owe you, Mao-kun."

"I didn't do anything."

"You can say anything you want, but we all still owe you something. Thanks to you, Dai-chan is a lot happier. You see, he was the one who introduced me and Ryouma to Yuu, and if it wasn't because of him, I'd be stuck with statues forever."

Kyousuke chuckled. "Is it so bad to be with Ryouma-san?"

"Platonically, no. He's the best friend someone can ask for. But romantic relationships surely won't work on him. I always see him more as an older brother. A crazy one, mind you, but that's enough. I wonder how Taiki could keep up with him for so long."

"He liked you."

It was Shouta's turn to chuckle. "Did he tell you about that chocolate incident?" When Kyousuke nodded, he continued. "I never knew he liked me that way until he ate that chocolate. But at least we all know about his true feelings, though. After we've all calmed down, we talked about it and sorted things out. He did tell you things are now okay between the three of us, didn't he?"

Kyousuke couldn't remember, but he nodded anyway.

"Good." The music shopkeeper grinned. "How are things going with you and Dai-chan, by the way?"

Kyousuke smiled shyly, and didn't say anything even as Shouta continued to nudge him. "C'mon, tell me!"

Suddenly he felt the urge to show his mother's letter to someone. So he pulled out the piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to the other man.

"It's from my mother."

Shouta took it and his gasp while reading was enough indication that he was equally shocked. "What is this supposed to mean?"

Kyousuke sighed. "I'm being sent to an institute in Tokyo, majoring in chemical engineering."

"Do you want to?"

A bitter laugh. "Do I have a choice? It's all settled. They've paid for it. I'll be going next month."

"Why are you telling me this? Why don't you tell Dai—oh."

"I haven't told him," Kyousuke confirmed Shouta's unsaid words. "I just got it this morning and I... can't bring myself to tell him."

"You should," Shouta said. "You really should."

"I know. But when?"

Shouta's dark expression suddenly brightened. "Next week is Dai-chan's birthday. We can throw him a surprise party, and you can tell him." He grinned cheekily. "Then you two can argue for five minutes before surrendering in a desperate, farewell sex."

"Please stop that," Kyousuke begged, totally embarrassed. But it couldn't leave his mind how much he wanted it to.

And as he heard Shouta's laugh, he found himself not minding.


	18. Tombstones (Another Daisuke's Backstory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisuke and Kyousuke thought it was nice to be dead.

When they went back, Daisuke was the one riding the bike this time. Kyousuke knew at once that they were going to the graveyard when Daisuke bought six bouquets from the florist. One of them consisted only of sunflowers. They didn't say anything on their way there, even after Daisuke had parked the bike and taken out the flowers.

He smiled at Kyousuke, giving his hand. "Come on, Mao."

Kyousuke took his hand and climbed down the bike. Daisuke gave him three bouquets and they made their way into the graveyard. When Kyousuke was done, he spotted Daisuke standing in front of one of the tombstones. He looked up when he saw Kyousuke approaching.

"Hello, Mao," he greeted, as if he'd just seen him for the first time. Kyousuke stood next to him, watching how Daisuke put the sunflower bouquet before the tombstone. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why do you like to come here?"

Kyousuke couldn't really answer that. But Daisuke's expectant expression tempted him. "I don't know. I always like to think it's nice to be dead."

Daisuke didn't say anything for a long time. It worried the young man, for he was sure he'd be laughed at. At least, that was the commonest reaction, starting from his high school days.

But Daisuke didn't.

"That used to be my reason too."

"Really?" It shocked Kyousuke that the person who always encouraged him to live ever think it'd be nice to be dead.

Daisuke nodded and sat down. "Say hello to my grandfather, Mao."

Kyousuke sat down next to him and smiled. "Hello, Watanabe-san."

"He always said my nickname is a curse. In English it rhymes with 'die'." Daisuke laughed, that happy voice belied the eerie words. "So he added - _chan_ as a term of endearment. It makes me feel loved."

"Death's Lover." Suddenly Kyousuke remembered the name under the painting.

"Yeah, it's basically that. I always think it's nice to love death. It must've been more peaceful in death, with nothing to worry about."

Daisuke let his head fall onto Kyousuke's shoulder. He was as warm as usual, yet Kyousuke felt him shuddering. "Are you cold, Dai-chan?" he asked, concerned.

"No." Daisuke sighed and closed his eyes. "I'm just... I'm so happy right now. Thank you, Mao."

"What for?"

"Everything you did. If you didn't come, I wouldn't have gone to that school. I didn't have the courage to go there myself, or to let Yuusuke-kun come to my house. After years, we finally can sort things out between us."

Kyousuke caught the wordless _thank you_ in his words. "It's okay."

Daisuke kissed his cheek. He turned to the tombstone. "Grandfather, meet Mao, the sweetest kid on earth."

"Stop that," Kyousuke chided, blushing.

"He'd love to see you. I can imagine what he'd say." Daisuke's voice changed to imitate an old man's. "'Who's this, Dai-chan? You better make him happy, or else. Will this kid make you happy? He looks small and fragile, you better don't break him.'"

Kyousuke laughed. "I'm not small."

"Right. You're taller than Taiki-kun and Shouta-kun, yet you're three years younger. But my grandfather was taller than me, so whatever you do, you're just a kid in front of him. When I was a kid, I was scared of him. But he turned out to be my saviour."

"He must've been very nice."

"He almost killed me when I came to him after the war. Forever the pacifist he was, he couldn't believe that I became a soldier. Still, he let me stay until his death. I take over the house and live there ever since."

"I see." Kyousuke could imagine an older version of Daisuke living in that hut of a house. It made him chuckle.

"He taught me to love life," Daisuke continued. He pulled the sleeve of his black coat, showing faint scars. He lifted his hand so Kyousuke could see it more clearly. "You know, not all of these comes from the war. I had this knife that I... used when I lived with him."

The scars sent shivers down Kyousuke's spine. Next to him, Daisuke continued his story.

"He found me, half-dying and depressed, and took me to the hospital, where I first met Taiki-kun. I started to have friends, and one day my grandfather took me to the sunflower garden. He also taught me to paint. The rest is history."

"Dai-chan?"

"Hm?"

"Do you see me... as a replacement of yourself?" Because Daisuke's story both overwhelmed and bothered the young man. He didn't want to be seen as a replacement.

Daisuke stared at him, his eyes misty. Yet he was smiling, reminding Kyousuke of his self-portrait in his house.

"No. Somewhere along the way, I think I've fallen in love with you."

 

* * *

 

It was already dark when Daisuke stopped in front of Kyousuke's house, and returned the bike to its owner. "Thank you for today, Mao. It's a long day, but I'm really thankful you were with me."

Kyousuke smiled. "Same here."

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

 _How do you know that?_ Kyousuke felt the letter in his pocket, but he didn't want to destroy the feeling of love and happiness they had today. "Er... nothing."

"Hey, don't be shy," Daisuke said in a singsong voice. He placed a hand on Kyousuke's cheek. "Don't be shy… just let your feelings roll on by…"

Kyousuke blushed. "Stop that, please."

Daisuke didn't. "Don't wear fear, or nobody will know you're there." He was singing now. "Just lift your head and let your feelings out instead. Now, don't be shy, just let your feelings roll on by..."

With that, he kissed Kyousuke's burning cheek and walked away. Kyousuke watched him singing and dancing until he could no longer be seen. A smile slowly crossed his lips.

 

_You know, love is better than a song_

_Love is where all of us belong_

_So don't be shy, just let the feelings roll on by_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dai-chan sings is called Don't be Shy by Cat Stevens. I can imagine him singing/serenading Mao with it.  
> It's also used in the movie this fic takes inspiration from. ;)


	19. Plans and Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke promises his family and plans for a certain party.

"Honestly, Kyou-chan, I never want you to go." 

Kyousuke eyed his brother wearily. "So, why did you agree to this?" he demanded, waving the letter in front of his brother. He was now sitting on his brother's bed, extremely sullen, a day after Daisuke took him home.

"Because I know this is the best for you." His brother sighed. "It's not like I don't trust Officer Takiguchi, but I know you can be more than just a police officer."

"You trust Takki-san?" Kyousuke never thought his brother would actually _trust_ someone if his baby brother was concerned.

"Well, he's a good officer, as far as I know, and he's quite responsible with you. But still, I can never fully trust anyone if it's about you, Kyou-chan."

Kyousuke sighed. "I'm twenty-one. I can take care of myself."

"Doesn't mean I can't look after you."

"I know."

"Especially when you keep doing stunts like self-poisoning. It's scary, you know."

"I'm sorry," Kyousuke said sincerely.

"Is there anything you want to tell me? I don't want to burden you with anything, and I'm sure the same goes to our dear parents, but you need to do something." He took a deep breath and leaned on the chair he was sitting on. "Just answer me. Do you like chemistry?"

"I have my own laboratory here."

"Do you like it?"

Despite his hobby, he always found that subject interesting. "Well... yes. Why?"

"Do you have anything else you like to do?"

Kyousuke blinked. He liked to go to the graveyard, spending time with Daisuke and his friends, modelling for Ryouma... but he was sure that wasn't kind of hobby his brother was asking for.

"No. I don't think so."

"So, please," his brother begged. "Just give it a try. We're all doing our best for you."

Kyousuke would never be able to say no when his brother acted that way. So he stood and gave him a hug. It'd been a while since they hugged each other like this. It felt nice.

"I'll try, Aniki. I'll try."

 

* * *

 

Daisuke's birthday was nearing. At Shouta's request (which involved Kyousuke's unknowing brother as a messenger), Kyousuke went to the music store, a week before that big day. He found Ryouma, Yuusuke, and Shouta there, enthusiastically discussing the surprise party. From a distance, they looked like a group of schoolgirls gossiping.

"Look! Here comes the boyfriend!"

Ryouma's announcement made both Kyousuke and Yuusuke choke, and Shouta almost dropped several music books from the shelf because he collided with it when he was laughing. Ryouma smirked at Kyousuke's blush.

"Finally, you two, finally," he said, patting Kyousuke's shoulder. He looked smug for some reason. "Welcome to the club."

After dealing with the shock (and hysterical laughter in Shouta's part), they resumed their planning. Ryouma wanted to decorate Daisuke's living room, Shouta and Takki (much to Kyousuke's surprise) would do the cake, and Yuusuke dealt with the song since he could play the piano. Ryouma said Taiki would bring some gifts, while distracting the birthday boy.

"He said he wanted to give him a pack of seeds Dai-chan's looking for," the sculptor said. "As if his house hasn't looked like a greenhouse already."

Kyousuke had to agree at that. It was lucky that there was no plant in Daisuke's bedroom when they slept together, or he'd have trouble breathing. He once read that plants took oxygen at night. He felt silly for thinking about something so trivial like this, so he looked up and saw his two friends arguing rather heatedly.

"What should _I_ do?" he asked, also in order to break the argument whether the ribbon on the walls should be blue and black or gold and white.

Ryouma and Shouta stopped bantering to think about it.

"We can put him in the box and give it to Dai-chan."

Strangely enough, it was Yuusuke's suggestion. Kyousuke was scandalized; he'd never thought someone as quiet as Yuusuke would suggest something like that. And his feelings were confirmed when he saw the other two's identical grin.

"That'll be very interesting."

Kyousuke groaned. There was no way out.

 

* * *

 

"Where's your motorbike, Kyou-chan?"

"I don't like it," Kyousuke answered truthfully, wincing at the hurt expression on his mother's face. "I'm sorry, but I prefer using a bicycle."

"I'm sorry, too. We shouldn't have done that without your permission."

"It's okay." Kyousuke was staring at his hands on his lap as he said this. He was in his bedroom, while his mother was rummaging through the adjoining closet. He didn't feel like helping. He didn't feel like doing anything, for she reminded him of a certain engineering institute in Tokyo.

His mother sighed as she took out a huge suitcase from the closet. "Do we put too much pressure on you? We only want the best for you."

"I know."

"Your brother said that you'll try. Will you try your best?"

Kyousuke turned and looked at her, really _looked_ this time. She looked beautiful yet tired, as if her youthful spirit had been taken away. He knew he loved her, and suddenly he realized how much he'd disappointed his family. His fascination with death, driven by depression and apathy, had taken away his chance to be happier. To _live_. Daisuke's words suddenly came into his mind.

_Live, Mao, live._

"Yes," he answered his mother, and this time he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that box part is inspired by a certain Triple Zone episode. Mao just looked so cute in a box. :D
> 
> Anyway, this is almost the end, but believe me, something is coming. Hope you enjoyed your reading this far!


	20. An Empty Vial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Daisuke's birthday, Kyousuke gets more than he bargained for.

After what felt like ages, the awaited day finally came. It was a Saturday, so Kyousuke wasn't surprised to find his older friends gathered in Daisuke's house as if they owned that place at ten o'clock in the morning. Still, he wondered where Daisuke was, for he always stayed home in Saturday mornings.

"Taiki's taking a day off today," Ryouma announced before Kyousuke had the chance to ask. "He's taking Dai-chan to that greenhouse to get the seeds he wants, and they might be out for lunch too. He'll be home at around four."

"So we can start earlier than expected," Yuusuke added.

Shouta cheered next to him. "Isn't it great, Mao-kun?" he asked, patting Kyousuke's shoulder. "And look what Takki has brought for us!"

Much to Kyousuke's shock, _Takki_ was the one who brought the box. It was a cardboard one, its height reached Kyousuke's chest. The police officer was obviously hiding his grin when he showed the box to everyone.

"This actually belongs to Tomo, and he says happy birthday and that Dai-chan should stop trespassing. But we all know how Tomo feels about Dai-chan in his garden." Takki shrugged and turned to the youngest man. "Try it out, Mao-kun."

Kyousuke shook his head in an amused exasperation. _Never underestimate quiet people_. He used a nearby stool to get into it. When he had settled himself inside, he looked up and saw four faces looking down at him from the outside.

"Comfortable over there, Mao-kun?" Shouta asked, grinning ear-to-ear.

Kyousuke nodded, feeling uneasy from being stared at by so much people. Yuusuke helped him out and Ryouma asked for his help in decorating. They all worked for hours, taking a break for lunch made by Takki and Shouta. Ryouma finally won; the ribbons around the house were blue and black. Shouta showed his disapproval by making a white and gold cake, much to Takki's exasperation.

"Nobody can stop them," he grumbled, making Kyousuke and Yuusuke chuckle. Before the three of them, Ryouma and Shouta had resumed their bantering.

"They'll be always like that," Yuusuke said. He sighed, but smiled not long after. "Even I can't change that, and I shouldn't have tried."

Neither spoke for several minutes.

"What will you give Dai-chan this year, Arai-san?" Kyousuke finally asked him, just to get rid of the somber mood.

Yuusuke turned to him, looking grateful for the distraction. "Dai-chan told me he wants some new songs for the piano, so Shouta and I bought him a new songbook. And you, Mao-kun?"

Kyousuke felt himself blushing a bit as he pulled out a velvet box from his pocket. He was lucky that Ryouma or Shouta hadn't seen it yet, or he would never hear the end of it. He opened it and showed a necklace, with a Saturn-shaped pendant.

"That's nice," Takki praised.

"It's my favorite," Kyousuke explained. "I have two of these."

"Oh, a couple necklace?" Yuusuke asked in wonder.

"You can say so." Kyousuke closed the box and turned to Takki. "What do you have for Dai-chan, Takki-san?"

"Nothing," the man said simply. "I never know what to give him so in the end I usually treat him to a dinner." He shrugged. "But since we're making this party, my present is coming to this place."

"I...see." Kyousuke was surprised.

"Hey, you three!" Shouta cut in before any of them could say more. "We still have a lot to do!"

So they stood and continued working. Kyousuke washed the dishes and let Shouta deal with the decoration. He could hear their arguments from here. It made him smile, because their closeness reminded him of himself with his brother. It felt like a long time ago since he last had playful bantering with him.

"Hey, Mao-kun!" Ryouma called. "You better get ready. It's almost four."

Kyousuke looked down at the black shirt and white plus-fours he was wearing. It was the only thing he intended to wear in the party. Impatient, Ryouma threw ribbons and Shouta rained gold glitter on him. They stepped back, satisfaction evident in their identical grin.

"Now he's decent."

Yuusuke sniggered from the piano and even Takki was laughing. "Now, now, let's get him into the gift box."

Takki helped the young man into the box, and closed it carefully. "We've made some holes so you can breathe. Are you okay?"

Despite the dark and small space, Kyousuke could breathe rather well. "Yeah."

"Great!" It was Shouta's voice. "Now, listen, Mao-kun. After Dai-chan lets you out, you have to call us."

"How?"

"There's a note on the piano. You have to read it as loud as you can," Yuusuke answered for him. "It'll be our signal."

"Okay."

There were footsteps fading, and Kyousuke knew the rest were going to find their hiding place. When he heard the front door closing, he knew said hiding places would be outside. He remembered bushes that surrounded Daisuke's house, and wondered if that would be their hiding place. There was a tree as well, perhaps Shouta could climb it in order to make himself invisible. That silly thought made him smile.

After what felt like forever, the front door opened.

"Whoa."

Kyousuke unconsciously held his breath. Daisuke was home. He tried to peek, but the holes Takki had made were too small. They were enough for his breathing, but not ideal peeping holes. So he depended on his own hearing, and was lucky that he had strong ears. He heard footsteps approaching and braced himself for jumping out and singing a happy birthday song.

But Daisuke walked away from him, and Kyousuke could hear him opening his cupboard. He could no longer hear what else he was doing, but not long after, Daisuke was half-walking, half-galloping near him. Kyousuke smiled, imagining the way the older man singing and dancing after taking him home.

He was busy entertaining himself with that thought that he almost didn't realize that Daisuke had opened the box.

"Mao?!"

Said young man jumped and started to sing a happy birthday song. Daisuke watched him, a small smile on his lips. After Kyousuke was done, he burst into laughter.

"Mao, you look like you just rolled down a hill of glitter and threw yourself into a gift store."

"That's a lot of description." Despite his rebuttal, Mao blushed as he looked down. "Not my fault."

"It is," Daisuke insisted. He sounded amazed for some reason. "It's your fault to be so beautiful."

Kyousuke reddened even worse. He was thankful that Daisuke circled his arms around his waist and hoisted him out the box. That way, the older man couldn't see his intense blush.

"I got glitter on you," Kyousuke commented after he was finally out. Daisuke grinned, his cheek and shoulder splattered with gold.

"It's okay. This must be Ryouma's doing."

That was when Kyousuke remembered to call his friends. He saw a note on the piano and took it.

" _Mao-kun_ ," Kyousuke started reading. " _By the time you read this_ _—_ _and do it loudly!_ _—_ _we're already in Taiki's house, having dinner. Don't worry about us, Yuu and Takki said they'll treat you two later. Have fun, lovebirds!_ "

Daisuke laughed even harder. "Totally Ryouma's doing."

Kyousuke couldn't believe that he was tricked. Still amused, Daisuke peeked from behind him, reading the words on the note.

"What does Shouta-kun mean?" he asked, pointing at the bottom of the note. Kyousuke read that part, his eyes widening.

_Mao-kun, you should tell Dai-chan! Wish you two the best!_

Kyousuke turned and saw Daisuke, his expression now serious. "Mao, what is it? You sometimes look like you have something to tell me, what is it?"

That was when Kyousuke felt the weight of the acceptance letter. He sighed and pulled it out his pocket.

"I'm sorry," that was all he said.

Silence covered the house like a thick cloak. Kyousuke couldn't help but to remember the suffocating one in his therapist's room. Unable to keep it any longer, he spoke up. 

"Dai-chan?"

Daisuke looked up and stared at him, his eyes tearing up. "Go, Mao. This is good for your future."

"But—"

"You should." Daisuke's voice was no more than a whisper. "This means I did the right thing."

"Dai-chan, you're scaring me." Kyousuke didn't like the blank look and the weak voice his lover was giving him. "What do you mean? Can we run away or something?"

Daisuke only smiled. "Eloping makes us sound like forbidden lovers, isn't it? I don't like it." He swayed and fell into Kyousuke's arms. "There's nothing forbidden in love, Mao."

"Dai-chan, what are you—"

"I believe this is yours."

Daisuke put something on Kyousuke's hand before he slid to the floor. Kyousuke felt his breath stopped when he realized what happened. In his hand, he was holding an empty vial.

 _Kyousuke's_ empty vial.

"DAI-CHAN!"


	21. Midnight (Taiki's Backstory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's already midnight when Nurse Naito does his own storytelling.

The hospital wasn't crowded, only several doctors and nurses who went past them. Kyousuke looked around the waiting room he was in. It was already past midnight, and his friends were all dozing off next to him. Shouta was leaning against Yuusuke and Takki let his head being supported by a pillar next to his chair. In Ryouma's case, he was sleeping on the floor, with Taiki's blanket around him. Even Officer Kato and his... friend Tomo were there, also leaning against each other.

"Mao-kun, why aren't you sleeping?"

Kyousuke was too busy with his own thoughts that he almost ignored the soft voice before him. Nurse Naito—that was what he called Taiki when he was wearing his nurse outfit—was standing in front of him, holding two cups of steaming hot tea. It reminded Kyousuke of his first time coming to Daisuke's house. _You won't like cold tea, I assure you_.

He shuddered at the memory and took one of the cups. "Thank you, Nurse—I mean Taiki-san." _How's Dai-chan?_

"We're trying our best to revive him," Taiki said quietly, answering Kyousuke's unsaid question. "You look awful, Mao-kun. You should sleep." 

"I can't."

"Should I bring more blankets so you can join Ryouma on the floor?"

"It's okay, Taiki-san. I'm fine." Kyousuke sipped his tea to distract himself. The warmth filled his insides, making him feel slightly better.

"Mao-kun, there's something I have to ask you." Kyousuke looked up and saw pure seriousness on the nurse's face. His usually childlike face now filled with maturity, and Kyousuke found it strange.

"What is it?"

Taiki put down his own cup of tea on the empty chair next to him. He was obviously nervous. "I really hope that the doctors won't know this, but the poison in Dai-chan's body has the same substances with what you used to consume."

Kyousuke felt colour left his face. "Are you accusing me—?”

"I'm not accusing you of anything," Taiki interrupted. "But this is serious, Mao-kun. I need to know this. What actually happened? How did the poison you... frequently drank end up in Dai-chan's system?"

And it all came pouring out.

"When we first met, Dai-chan stole my bike. I was so angry because I liked that bike, so I made that for him. I didn't give it to him, but I noticed it missing. I thought Aniki has found and destroyed it." At this moment, Kyousuke realized that he was crying. "I didn't give it to him, Taiki-san, I swear."

Taiki didn't say anything, but he gently took the cup from Kyousuke's lap and drew the younger man into a hug. Kyousuke cried and cried, his pent-up emotion finally erupted. "Will he survive?" he choked out. The nurse closed his eyes, and Kyousuke felt fear clutching him.

"I don't know. He's not as strong as you, Mao-kun, and not as young. He's not that healthy." In here, his hug tightened. "Plus, he didn't have that much will to live."

"What?" _How come?_

"I'm sorry for Shouta's behalf, but he accidentally told us about you going to Tokyo. Question is... did you tell Dai-chan about it?"

Kyousuke nodded on Taiki's shoulder, still not trusting his voice at this moment. Taiki let him go far enough to see his face.

"When we were going out this morning, he told me about you. He always talks about you, especially after he took you to Tomo's sunflower garden. But this morning, he was sad."

 _He's sad in his birthday?_ "What did he say?"

"That he loves you so much." Taiki looked like he wanted to cry himself. "But he's scared. He doesn't want to attach himself to something because he knows it won't last forever."

"We will last," Kyousuke said, even though he wasn't sure.

"You're leaving, Mao-kun. That must've been the last straw for him. He told me that you're warmer than him now, much livelier, and that you should go and love some more." Taiki sighed. "If only I realised soon enough what he actually meant by that."

"I love him."

"I know." Taiki looked around, at their sleeping friends. "We all know that."

"Takki-san hoped I could make him stop thinking like that." Tears returned on Kyousuke's eyes. "I failed him. I failed all of you."

"It's not your fault, Mao-kun. Dai-chan has to know that it's okay to tie himself with people. We won't live forever, but we'll always be there for him."

Kyousuke was still crying. Taiki continued.

"You know, he was my first patient. I was still studying to become a nurse back then, yet I was told to take care of him. My mother, who was also a nurse, said he was really depressed and needed a friend the most. I'm younger than him, but his age is closest to me than the other nurses. So, I also had to be his friend instead of just a caretaker. And in the end... I think I did. He told me about the war, his nightmares, and the scars he made on his arms."

"'It's nice to be dead'," Kyousuke repeated Daisuke's words, his voice sounded hollow.

"When his grandfather died, I was afraid that he'd fall into another depression. He once told me he liked theatre, so I introduced him to Yuu. Then he met Ryouma and Shouta too. Slowly he became what he is now. It was a long way, but to be honest I'm proud of him. He's been so much better after he met you, and I never expected him to… return to this state." 

"But why, Taiki-san? Why does he think like that?"

"This is only a theory, but I think it's because Dai-chan feels he's always been abandoned. First by his family, then his grandfather."

"And now me," Kyousuke sobbed. "I didn't see him drinking it, so he must've done it before he got me out that box... why is he so insistent of leaving me?"

"Don't feel too guilty, Mao-kun." Taiki hugged him again. "He loves you. He's just scared."

"After I told him I'll leave, he said he'd done the right thing."

Taiki didn't say anything else, just hugged him tighter. They stayed like that until a female nurse appeared, obviously as exhausted as Taiki himself.

"Nurse Naito, we need your help."

"I'll be right there." Taiki released the young man and pulled out something from his pocket. "It's for you, Mao-kun." It was a chocolate candy, the one he'd offered Kyousuke in their first meeting.

Kyousuke took it. "Will I kiss Dai-chan back to health if I eat this?"

Taiki smiled weakly at him. "You don't need this to kiss him back to health, Mao-kun. It's just a chocolate candy." He patted him on the shoulder. "Sometimes it's better not believing every word Ryouma says. Get some rest, okay?"

Before the nurse went with his colleague, he knelt and fixed Ryouma's blanket first.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyousuke lives his life in Tokyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italic: past monologues

_ Several months later... _

 

_"You know what, Dai-chan? You have to wake up. I might be going, but I won't leave you. I'll send you letters from Tokyo. We can still keep in touch."_

"Welcome, freshman!"

It was the first thing Kyousuke heard in his new class. There were around fifteen people his age, sitting on a circle. On the centre of it, sat an older man, obviously the professor. He threw Kyousuke a gentle smile. 

"Please sit down."

Kyousuke put his bag on the nearest empty chair and joined them on the floor.

_"Dai-chan, why are you giving up? You're the one who told me to live!"_

"Today is our first day, so we won't have classes today. Instead, we'll introduce ourselves." The professor did the first introduction, but Kyousuke wasn't someone who'd remember people from the first meeting.

Well. Unless said person stole his bike.

_"You don't want to be attached to anything, Dai-chan, but it's too late. You're not the only one who gets himself attached. You're not the only one in love."_

"Young man, you're daydreaming."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

_"You're the one who introduced me into the joy of living."_

"My name is Kyousuke Hamao."

The professor was still smiling. It was obvious he wouldn't let Kyousuke go that fast. "Do you have a nickname, Hamao-kun?"

_"So... I'll live, Dai-chan. I'll live for you."_

"They call me Mao."

 

* * *

 

  _A year later..._

 

 " _Dai-chan, I found your sketchbook when I went to your house. You call it 'Attachment', right? And it's full of sketches of me. Now I understand why you didn't want me to see it."_

Kyousuke looked up from the thick book he was reading. He really needed a pair of glasses. He wondered if glasses were expensive, since it wasn't common for people his age to wear glasses. Wanting to test his sight, he looked at the clock on the wall nearby. His eyes widened when he realised what time it was.

"Crap. I'll be late!"

The owner of the café he worked in was very punctual. So Kyousuke stood, returned the book on the shelf, and left the school library.

_"When I got home, thanks to Ryouma-san's insistence, I saw your first painting of me. Do you remember that one? You made it when I first visited your house. I thought it was beautiful, so I framed it. I opened the frame and found out that you also called it Attachment. Have you fallen for me since the first day we met?"_

"How's school, Mao-kun?"

"It's fine," Kyousuke answered, sorting out the customers' orders before placing it in the kitchen. "Exams are nearing, though."

"Must be hard on you," his colleague, a petite young woman named Keiko, said sympathetically. "Does this mean you'll take some day off?"

"Maybe."

"Good luck, Mao-kun." She patted his shoulder. "Look, someone's asking for you."

Kyousuke sighed when he saw two girls winking at him. "Why me?"

"Because you're adorable, totally their type. Go, give them what they want."

Kyousuke groaned but obliged.

_"Dai-chan, our friends have come up with an amazing idea. Wake up and I'll tell you."_

Work lasted for several hours, and now Kyousuke was home. His parents had got him a small apartment, but Kyousuke liked it. With the money he received from the café, he could make a decent living. Plus, it was close to his workplace and school, so he had no complaints.

He smiled weakly when he saw a bouquet of withering sunflowers next to two small wax statues. He made a mental note to buy a new one.

_"I finally met the owners of the sunflower garden. Officer Kato is nice, but Tomo-san scares me a bit. Takki-san told me that's because he can't control what comes out his mouth. Despite that, they like you, and Tomo-san even gave me a sunflower from the garden. You should wake up, Dai-chan, or he'd sell that garden to someone else."_

Kyousuke picked the wax statues. One of them was his; a gift from Ryouma. The other was given in Daisuke's birthday last year: a miniature of himself. It turned out that Ryouma had made the statues as pairs; that the statue-Daisuke was holding statue-Kyousuke's hand. If they were put together, it looked like Daisuke was pulling Kyousuke for a dance.

He put down the statues and decided to take a bath. On his way, he walked past a black coat hung on the wall. He couldn't help but to nuzzle it. It made him smile.

The coat still held Daisuke's smell.

_"Wake up, Dai-chan. There's nothing wrong by being attached to me. I promise you, we will last forever."_

After taking the bath, Kyousuke heated the dinner, not wanting to eat first. He opened his textbooks while waiting. Exams were coming, and he didn't want to disappoint his family. He'd promised them, after all.

He was so busy studying that he almost didn't hear the door being opened.

"What a nice smell after a long rehearsal. I'm starving!"

Kyousuke looked up and smiled. The man he loved was there, walking proudly despite of the limp on his foot. The traces of make-up from the theatre were still visible, and it made Kyousuke smile even wider. His smile matched the other's, who pulled Kyousuke into a hug and kissed his cheek. The younger man didn't complain as the coldness of a certain Saturn pendant touched his bare shoulder. If anything, it made him smile even wider.

"Welcome home, Dai-chan."

_"If you wake up, Dai-chan, I'll do what our friends have suggested. I'll take you with me. I'm sure you can fulfil your dreams there, and I promise I'll make you smile, just like what you always do to me."_

"I'm home, Mao."

 

**FIN.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa. That's quite a lot. TBH, this is the first long fic that I made totally on my phone and the first long one in 2016, so it's a personal achievement :D  
> In case you haven't guessed (or have you guessed?) the movie this story is based on, it's called Harold and Maude (1971). Watch it, it's a great film.  
> Hope you enjoyed your read, and see you in another story!
> 
> Love,  
> Seer M. Anno


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